Massed Practice vs Planned Rest Days

So a while ago I was falling asleep, when the phrase, “massed practice,” popped into my head.

It’s from the Norman Doidge book, The Brain that Changes Itself, which I was somewhat obsessed with when I read it years ago. One of the case studies was an older man who had a stroke. Conventional therapy—one hour a week—was doing nothing for him. But working at it like a job, 8 hours a day, he got all his abilities back. The concept is  “massed practice”—continually working those neurons is what builds them up. Like any kind of exercise, I guess.

And when I go full-on with my various therapies, it is a full-time job, or more. The problem is, after a day or two, I crash, hard. I get nauseated. I lurch around with that on-a-boat feeling. I get brutal headaches. I just can’t keep going.

Part of it, I think, is that I’m a bit underfed—I’m trying this anti-inflammatory diet and between being restricted from things that I love and being bored with things that are allowed, I end up in a calorie deficit a lot of the time.

But maybe I just need to be more deliberate about planning rest days?

Weekend was busy; moved kid home from uni. Monday I did a lot, in terms of all my rehab stuff. Crashed late afternoon. Tuesday (yesterday) I did not do much (mainly walking and tai chi, and my vestibular stretching). Today I feel better, back to my full regime, and went just a lil bit farther and faster on the treadmill for my sub-symptom threshold cardio. Maybe yesterday’s rest is the key to today’s success?

My current daily checklist 

Starting over, starting now

I feel sometimes like I have started from scratch a dozen times since last fall.

Today’s new start is new meds, cholesterol diet, and trying some faux-work experiments (aka work conditioning lite). I am nearly done my Insomnia CBT course and sleeping a lot better, so maybe if the new meds work I’m ready for it? Having my blood pressure back and bloating (from previous meds) gone makes me feel so much better.

Started the morning by going to the gym (determined to make 30 days this month, not giving myself an excuse miss it), then a breakfast of all the omega-3s, and CBT-i. Next is a volunteer usher shift (my second!) which is my faux-work for the day. Early dinner (lentils, kale, butternut squash), then going downtown to watch the Oscars at the Lightbox (I will not be staying till the end—and as I type this, I’m remembering that I meant to change my ticket to be on the aisle, oops). This will be a chance to both practise subway riding and extended focus. Exposure and endurance.

This week I am planning various tests and work-adjacent things—volunteer envelope stuffing, practice driving, doing my taxes, finishing some stuff that I’ve put off for months (medical complaint against Dr Firdouse, divorce paperwork, various stuff for my kiddo), sewing a garment (I figure that’s a good exercise in project management as well as focus and follow through). Basically, I want to live like I’m working (at a made-up job) on a reduced schedule, and see if I can at least do that, and then grow from there.

I feel like it’s time for me to enter the home stretch, or at least see if I can survive it.

Breakfast of champions

A day of contrasts

Of all kinds, literal and figurative. 

I started yesterday feeling awful. Post-concussion nausea? Straight-up stomach cramps? Seemed to be the latter; I blame the “boneless wings” I had for lunch on Sunday (restaurant chosen by a relative). All day I had cramping and stabbing pains off and on, that had me looking up “spleen pain” to see if I was actually dying. 

I did force myself to go to the gym regardless; being a light cardio day I told myself I could leave early if I wanted. And this is dumb, but I knew I was due for an “award” for a 12-week attendance streak. I am like a kid with a sticker chart! Silly, but it does motivate me.

I am on fire!

Then I went home to clutch my belly for a while longer. Waah.

I had a couple of late afternoon appointments that I had been looking forward to, but worried my upset stomach would keep me from. Nevertheless, I soldiered on.

First was an orientation at the neighbourhood secret sauna.

The neighbourhood oasis 

You’d never guess from the outside, but a nondescript building in my neighbourhood is actually a gorgeous little sauna. 

I’ve long enjoyed contrast therapy, and for the past five or so years have been a semi regular at the Banya in Mississauga. I go with a friend and we spend the entire day there. I had been longing to go, but worried I wouldn’t be able to handle it. Anecdotally, I’ve heard both good and bad things about contrast therapy for people with post-concussion syndrome. I asked my doctor at the Toronto Concussion Clinic and they said, “It depends.”

Temperature regulation is a function of the autonomic system—all the stuff your brain tells your body to do without you really being aware of it. Balance is also under the autonomic system. So if you’re really pushing your autonomic system with one task—temperature regulation—it may not have the juice left for another—balance.

I reeeeally wanted to go to Banya, but I didn’t want to say to my friend, “Hey, drive me across the city to this place that costs $60 but maybe I won’t feel well and I’ll need you to drive me home after twenty minutes.” Then, I found out about a new sauna in the neighbourhood that’s more poshy-posh but I could walk there (and get home easily if need be), and we started talking about when we could go there. Then, I found out about the secret sauna, and booked the orientation.

It felt great! 

I was anxious about feeling off-balance—imagine falling into the coals?!—and whether I would be able to manage the cold plunge. I did have an experience at Banya a couple of years ago where I got the shakes and needed my friend to bring me tea and warm towels to use as a blanket while I lay on a sofa to recover. But I was okay! Got in and out without a struggle, although I barely stayed in for a moment.

I felt exhilarated after! And ready to go to my next lil appointment a brisk fifteen-minute walk away.

Part of me of course is thinking, “Wow, this is it! I have found the cure! A few more sauna trips and I’ll be fully recovered!” But another part of me remembers that I felt that way for about two days after reading Sarah Polley’s book, and apparently having a few good days and feeling inspired is not a guarantee of anything.

So far today, I feel okay (the day-after-feeling seems to be my litmus test for a lot of things). I was going to do a “practice workday” experience today (two hours of stuffing envelopes at a theatre in my neighbourhood) but just got notice that was cancelled. Maybe I’ll try the next step in TTC exposure therapy instead? 

Trying something new!

So I’ve made a little plan for myself for the month of March, alternating between C25K and lighter cardio days. Trying to build gradually instead of overdoing it (again) and crashing out (again). More “jog towards the danger” than “run towards the danger” if you will.

Today, I tried using the elliptical machine for the first time.

The Elliptical

It took me a minute to get going (that is, to figure out how to get it going). But I’m excited to try something that uses my arms as well, and also is just a different “feel” to get used to.

The weirdest bit (to me) is that it doesn’t have the cross-body motion I was expecting—like when you’re walking, or a baby starts crawling—with left arm moving with right leg, and right arm with left leg. After all of the struggles I’ve had working on that, both at the start when I thought I’d use an umbrella as a walking stick on a rainy day and more recently when I started using Nordic poles, this is just the opposite!

Eventually I got used to the rhythm though, and managed to maintain a respectable (for me) pace.

The main thing is it’s another way to get my arms working. My left arm is still very much a noodle after all that time in a sling, and I obviously can’t think about lifting anything until I get my balance issues sorted out. Friday I couldn’t walk a straight line for hours after getting eye drops, yet another reminder to not get cocky! But I still think I can see the shadow of a bruise on my left arm sometimes. Today it seemed very visible when I was on the Elliptical—maybe because of the lighting, maybe I was just seeing it from different angles due to the different motion?

Is that a faint bruise, still?

Note to self: make sure to do a thorough stretch tonight, as different muscles were getting some use today. 

Back at it

I was not allowed to exercise for a week after a lil procedure I had done last Saturday (well, 5 days + discombobulation due to ophthalmology eyedrops) so it was nice to get back to the gym today. Especially because I’m feeling a bit like a blob (logging in here and seeing “It’s Sausage Week” might be another clue as to why that is).

I’m at the “pants feel tight” stage, which is when I usually put a lil effort into diet and exercise and get back on track, but not sure how that will work in light of my post-concussion brain. I need nutrition and specifically carbs (brains run on glucose!) to get better. The trick I guess is to get those needs met without going overboard in other areas.

Like fat. Pretty much every day I log my nutrition in Cronometer, and pretty much every day it tells me I’m way over budget on fat. Oops! The problem is, fat is yummy.

It’s funny how no one ever puts it that way. 

Like, I saw an infographic the other day about women’s clothing sizes and how they don’t match up (super annoying) and how they also don’t match up to actual women. Or should I say, actual American women. I mean yeah, I have definitely noticed that Japanese brands, for example, run way small compared to American brands. Last fall, when I had to buy a bunch of sweat pants and spaghetti strap cami tops—i.e. clothing I could easily step into and pull up with one hand—I had fun surprises when the same letter size was too small in one brand and too big in another. Simons and H&M had small smalls. Old Navy had huge smalls. Interesting to note, too, that the infographic left off most of the big American brands like Gap. Could it be that American brands cater to American markets, and European and Asian brands cater to European and Asian markets? If you look at a label from H&M, it lists about six different sizes—US, UK, Euro, China, Mexico, and Australia. They all have totally different systems. Why is is such a surprise that items designed and manufactured in different countries would use their own sizing instead of American sizing? US defaultism at its worst.

This at the same time as people are losing their minds over GLP-1 drugs. Are they going to save the world? Or destroy it? Is it “fair” that some people might get to be thin without “doing the work”? There was an editorial about this a few weeks ago marvelling about these things, most amusingly that the per capita cost of obesity in the US—roughly $200/month—is roughly the same as a prescription for these drugs. Give them to everyone! It’s gonna be great!

Which makes me inwardly groan at the thought of all the other wonder drugs that were expected to be panaceas and turned out to cause a whole host of unexpected problems. The marketing of these new drugs, and how easy it is for people to get prescriptions without even a real medical appointment, seems like a set up for disaster.

And shouldn’t the real question be, what caused this shift? Why are this many people in the US suddenly so overweight? At no time in history has there been such a massive shift in such a short period of time. And it’s pretty well confined to the US, although some countries are working to catch up. Why not figure out the root causes and work on those? Maybe stop adding corn syrup and soy to everything, maybe stop eating convenience foods in cars, maybe drive less and walk or bike more!

Anyway I’ve complained about this stuff enough elsewhere on this blog, so I’ll drop the subject for now, because I’m about to go to dinner with friends. A proper meal, sitting down and socialising with people as we break bread, not a solo drive-through dinner.

 

It’s déjà vu all over again

I’m doing Couch to 5k! Yes, the same running-for-beginners program I started thirteen years ago!

I decided that I need some kind of a framework to help me stay focused and see progress, and C25K seems as good as any. It’s straightforward, easy to follow, easy to modify (other times I’ve done it, I needed to repeat weeks as I built up my fitness, and I think the first time I tried it I only got to week four).

Thankfully, the treadmill at my gym has a setting for intervals, so it’s easy to do the walk-jog-walk-jog pattern that the early weeks follow. I’m experimenting with what speeds work for me (currently doing a 3.5mph walk and 5.5mph jog), and can always add a lil incline if feeling energetic. 

I have friends cheering me on too, which is such a comfort! Some days I feel like a total ding-dong with my baby steps—I’ve run a handful of 10ks, I should be better than this!—so having people cheer my recovery means a lot.

Now I’m feeling teary and I don’t even know anymore what’s a legit emotion and what is concussion-overwhelm… 

Mixed emotions

Feeling all the feelings right now. 

I had a real sense of optimism over the break. Reading about other people’s recoveries, making lunchtime cardio a regular habit (I even stepped up to a jog on the treadmill today), getting through a visit to Waterloo (which caused a major regression last time I tried). 

But I just got an email from my work about going on long-term disability. 

Which, I get it. Paperwork has its own timetable and it’s been almost three months (just typing that is depressing). But it’s like being told, “we don’t think you’re going to get better.” And that is depressing as hell. 

But also some of my intense emotional response to it might be due to the concussion itself. The overwhelm and crying, among my least favourite symptoms.

This morning I took “before” pics to add to the collection of progress pics I’ve posted over the years. Before as in, “you ain’t seen nothin’ yet!” But now I’m just feeling down. And like Lucy van Pelt, I don’t want ups and downs. I want ups and ups. Why can’t I go from ups to upper ups?

Anyway, here are the today pictures, whether there’s an after for them to be before, only time will tell. 

My noodle arm 

Cardio for concussion

This morning I had an exercise counselling session with a physiotherapist at the Toronto Concussion Clinic. The plan is “sub-symptom cardiovascular exercise training protocol.” Basically, try to maintain a consistent heartrate—starting at 50% of maximum heartrate (MHR)—for 20 minutes, without getting concussion symptoms. Warm up beforehand to get to that heartrate, maintain for 20 minutes, then cool down. My target heartrate at this point is 80-90.

I went for a little walk to the library today to print out the session notes (I have soooo many notes… I did finally buy a binder so I can organize them, but it feels like so much work), which is a walk I have done approximately one million times. Usually takes 13-15 minutes sauntering, depending on whether you have luck with the traffic light.

Today, it took me 21 minutes, and my heartrate was all over the place:

Heartrate 69-111?!

Hrmph.

It may well be that the watch I stopped wearing because it gave me a rash is not accurate (I have a new, hopefully better heartrate monitor on order). But it definitely felt like my heart was racing. And around the 14-minute mark, I was getting headaches and nausea. Do not like.

For comparison, here’s something I posted (not here, but an online discussion about fitness) a year and a bit ago:

Yesterday I checked my heartrate barely a minute after I got off my bike. I rode to work, 15 minutes averaging about 13mph, fastest was 22mph. According to one of the articles, cycling over 10mph is “vigorous activity.” Going by the how does it feel—breathing, perspiration, but can hold conversation—it would be “moderate activity.” I felt like my heart was pumping, so I went straight to the machine in the drugstore, and it said BP 105/60, pulse 73, which according to the charts is not even “low intensity” for a 75-year-old.

I’m like an entirely different person now.

Tomorrow I’m seeing Angus; I will bring my notes from the TCC physio to see if he has any tips/thoughts as the longterm keeper of my shoulder. They also gave me some coordination and asymmetrical bilateral exercises, which involve arms (because I have forgotten how to swing my arms like a normal person when I walk).

It’s so frustrating to feel like I’m getting worse instead of better. I feel like I’m regressing and I want to be progressing. It’s depressing as hell and I’m just exhausted and crying all the time. Do not like. 

Noticing a theme

I was skimming over the titles of recent posts trying to remember if I had posted a particular recipe, when I noticed what seems to be a pattern emerging.

“Trying, trying too hard”

“The hard days”

“A lesson learned”

“Learning my limits”

Hmm.

Not that it’s surprising really, but there seems to be a lot of hitting walls. A lot of one-step-forward-two-steps-back. Trying things, and discovering that they were maybe too much.

That said, I am a lot better. I can walk almost as fast as a sleepy person out for a stroll. I can cross a street before the lights change! I can use my arm somewhat as long as I’m not lifting something that weighs more than a kilo. I don’t need to nap every day.

I am trying to be diligent about taking breaks before I think I need them. I think this is key (well, one of many keys) but it is so hard to do.  

So I went to the dentist

And it wasn’t that bad!

I mean it wasn’t great either, I just imagined it being a lot worse.

I wore and eye mask, and let everyone know what had happened with me, and everyone was very calm and soothing. Helped too I think that it was a pretty minor filling, I was done in about thirty minutes. I did find myself weeping randomly in the chair, and sat for about ten minutes in the waiting room before I felt ready to go, and then sat at the subway station for about another 15 minutes waiting for my bus.

Stars aligned so that a vintage red velvet coat I had been pining for was available to pick up not far away, pretty much on my way home, and near the home of the best sandwich in the city. My dentist is also conveniently located near some nice bakeries and a bookstore where I had an order waiting (totally forgot about that—was supposed to pick it up six weeks ago, the day before my fall!), so I had picked up a book and a slice of cake on my way there, and went to the vintage & arts market and deli on my way home.

The day had started looking fairly grim (I was worried I would get rained on) but by the time I got off the bus near the market, the sun was glorious. I feel so much better when it’s sunny! I arrived a little early, so meandered around the store a bit. Wandering in junky antique stores has been a favourite pastime since I was in school, so it was really nice to do something that felt “normal,” like I’m me again. Even if I did need to leave my bag because it was feeling too heavy. I found a cute bracelet in red quartzite which supposedly brings “power, concentration, and strength” (all things I desperately need!) and is also a lovely colour. I saw some glasses I might go back for. And the coat is perfect—the most gorgeous colour, and in mint condition.

It felt so nice to be doing things I like doing, and feeling able to to them!

I was super exhausted when I got home and today my arm hurts like crazy, but what can you do. Had planned to get my glasses adjusted today, but I think I need to stay home. I walked over 2km yesterday, so a rest day is well earned. Maybe I’ll bake something; I need to outpace my veg box.

Best coat ever

The Honest Abe from When the Pig Came Home

Smetanyk slice from Cake Smith

A lesson learned

One of the hardest parts of this whole thing is seeing reminders pop up on my phone for events I booked months ago.

Last night was a Masterclass in Charcuterie led by the owner and charcutier at Sanagan’s Meat Locker. 

Charcuterie from Sanagan’s Meat Locker

I reached out to the organisers to ask some questions beforehand: 

Is it likely to be very noisy, a bunch of people talking at once, or mostly one person talking while other people listen?

Is it a very bright/highly-lit environment, or more like “mood lighting” ?

Is there participation involved where I’d need to use both arms?

They answered my questions, and based on that and knowing how I’d get to the location, I decided this might be a good “test run” to see how I do with attending something that isn’t a medical appointment of some sort.

(Earlier I thought a theatre usher volunteer shift this week might be my test-run, but after asking if there were any environmental warnings like strobe or haze (lots of haze) and if they expected it to be a very busy full house (not a full house, but with two shows concurrently the lobby would get hectic) I decided against that one.)

So I am glad I went, as it was a lovely evening and I enjoyed the event, but it did demonstrate that I am not really up for going out yet.

Getting there was straightforward, but this was the first time I’d gone out at night in over a month, and the darkness punctuated by bright lights was a lot to deal with. There was an elevator up to the fifth floor, but it was old and a little jerky—fine for a normal person, but not for me right now.

The listening atmosphere was mostly great—one person talking at a time, no amplification, some quiet conversation—but there were a couple of occasions where people applauded, and honestly it could have been a gun going off next to me. Even though there were only maybe two dozen of us, it was a lot for me.

The lighting was nice. Enough to see everything clearly without eyestrain, but not overly bright and no fluorescents. Thing is, there were candles on the tables, which seemed fine at first, but there was this thing where the flickering of candles reflecting off the surface of water in a glass was like lights flashing in my periphery. I never would have thought candles would be a problem! Now I know.

The only shoulder-related issue I had to deal with was trying to hang up my coat. Many people had already arrived, and the coat hooks were kind of high on the wall, so most of the lower coat hooks were taken when I got there. I did manage to find one though. The hosts were kind about helping me find a seat where I wouldn’t get jostled, and my table-mates were very kind about serving the food for me and making sure my water glass was full.

So it was a lovely evening, but about 90 minutes in I just wanted to lie down and rest. Will definitely check out their events in the future—after I have fully recovered.

Meanwhile, I just cancelled all of my plans for the rest of 2025. Hoping enough rest will help me recover by the holidays. 

It’s honestly pretty upsetting to think that I won’t get to do any of the fun things I normally enjoy. All of the things I normally do to keep my cup filled are no longer available to me. I have been able to do a small amount of knitting, maybe that will be my salvation. It will be nice too to have my arm back so I can at least clean the house.

Oh boy...

Another year, another injury : (

I feel bad that I didn’t share more about my Bike Rally ride this summer—just too busy!

Strange to think that just a few short months ago I was tackling incredible feats of athletic endurance, and now, I struggle to walk around the block.

Yep, sidelined by an injury.

And just like the start of this blog, I wasn’t doing anything exciting or (seemingly risky) when it happened—I was on foot, and tripped on a curb. Walking (or rather, running to catch a traffic light) and wearing sensible shoes.

I have a fractured shoulder (specifically, a minimally displaced fracture of the greater tuberosity of the humeral head) and concussion. These are things that do not go together well—balance issues from the concussion, and with only one arm functioning, an extremely limited ability to catch myself if I fall. Pain seems to make a lot of my concussion symptoms (headache, nausea, fatigue, brain fog and overwhelm) a lot worse. So yesterday when I had my follow-up at the fracture clinic, which meant I had to move my arm for x-rays, the pain from that made my brain kinda shut down.

Wild that this is almost exactly 15 years from my first injury.

I’ll end this post the same way I ended the first post, since it is exactly true for today too:

Anyway tomorrow I start physio, and I wanted a place to keep track of what I’m doing exercise-wise, diet-wise, and otherwise-wise.

How it started, & how it’s going

 

Learning! F4LBR #4

Going camping with my teammates this weekend—bike, camp, bike!

Meanwhile, earlier this week I did a Flat Fix clinic with a rally veteran, Steve. He did a Hill Climbing clinic last month, which was excellent, so I knew this would be a good one. 

One of the great things about this adventure is all the people I’m meeting along the way—it’s a real community! I feel like I really am going to end up with Friends For Life at the end of it.

Here are some great photos Steve took on Tuesday—love the one where I’m framed in the wheel!

Really learned a lot from this! I thought I knew how to change a flat, having done it soooo many times, but a few tips and tricks really make it all smoother. Having tire irons and a decent pump help a lot too—I love my floor pump, but it was great to give the portable a test run. Thanks Steve!

Overdue check-in

Said I was gonna do this daily, whoops...

Firstly, my physio asked me to keep track of how long it lasts when he “fixes” me, quantified as “when can you do a shoulder check on your bike.”

Last time he fixed me was Friday. Saturday was fine. Sunday was twingy. Monday I didn’t ride but tried turning while walking and it was twingy. Tuesday was definitely the “this hurts” stage. 

Secondly, the proton pump inhibitor (PPI—did I remember that right?) effect. 

So far, no change to cough.

Had one night last week which was extremely bad, up in the night with heartburn on top of coughing and indigestion. Things have settled down but I am still coughing. Also having mucous in stool, which is weird but not a problem otherwise.

Trying again

Well I haven’t been tracking or doing any (intentional) exercise lately. But I have been keeping busy. 

Now that I’m all-natural with the hormones and just experiencing perimenopause as it happens, I find my appetite and metabolism fluctuate like crazy. Just uncontrollable hunger at times, and my weight climbed to a number where I didn't want to weigh myself (hence the no tracking). Then I had a very light period and my appetite vanished and I could honestly feel my body burning through reserves. Just snapped back to the goal weight I achieved in the spring. Hormones, man. It’s wild. 

Anyway, I need to start tracking again, and find better ways to manage the swings than eating a ton of raw cookie dough. 

And I haven’t done “progress pics” in a year and a half! Here’s the last one for comparison. I don’t see a difference? No idea what I weighed then either, since the demise of Fitday…

(Tried to recreate the pose as exactly as possible)

The charts

Looking at Cronometer this morning, it’s amazing how clear and obvious the stomach flu is:

Can you tell when I got sick?

That day where I had almost nothing to eat or drink—I think just ginger ale—that corresponds exactly with losing 5 lbs overnight. 

But amazingly it’s stayed that way, despite my intake being pretty much back to normal. Which is to say, there are days I consume twice as many calories as "they" say I should. 

Could it be I’ve reset my set point? I read something a while ago about resetting set points by spending a period of time maintaining a specific weight instead of trying to change it. When I looked for the post again I couldn’t find it, so I don’t remember the details. 

Years ago—around when I started this blog actually—I lost a bunch of weight all at once, and an endocrinologist told me that since my weight had gone to an amount less than but still easily within 10% of the weight I had maintained throughout my 20s, it was just my body “snapping back” to the weight it wanted to be. Weird to think I weigh even less now, about 20 lbs less than 25 years ago. 

Could this be my new normal?

A nice surprise

I have had this top and skirt for ages, long enough that I haven’t worn it in years. The neckline of the top never sat quite right, and the skirt had torn along the seam at the back where the kick pleat is. It was on my long-term list of things to fix before buying new fabric (cross off 3 to-dos before getting 1 treat).

Being so long since I’d worn it meant no fear of messing up—it might as well be rags anyway, the worst that could happen is I’d have more closet space! 

So with the help of “mending tape” I fixed the tears and resewed the seam, which meant taking it in by about an inch through the hips. Without trying it on first to see if it would even fit.

Guess what—fits fine, even a little roomy! So happy right now, it’s two wins in one! A “new” outfit and evidence that all this cycling and careful eating (if only due to gastritis) has made a difference!

Linen/cotton 2-piece dress

Conflicting feelings

Got my first “lucky you” on the weekend. 

As in, lucky to get stomach flu so you lost some weight. 

The thing is, I wouldn’t mind a simple “you look great” or something. I know some people are bothered by any comment about weight loss, but I don’t mind a straight up compliment, especially if someone thought it was a result of hard work! 

I don’t feel lucky to have had days of diarrhoea and vomiting followed by weeks of upset stomach. 

I do fully intend to keep the weight off now that it’s gone though. 

It was really just “that last 5 lbs” that everyone struggles with, but losing them really does make a difference. I like how my clothing feels. I like how I look. I feel vaguely guilty for liking these things, because of the bombardment of messages from the media that basically say women should never feel good about themselves, including—especially?—if their feelings are connected to weight loss, because we’re supposed to prioritize other people’s feelings above our own. 

Hence conflicting. I have been feeling under the weather for over a month now, and I want to enjoy the one positive thing that came out of that. I hate how hard it is to just feel my feelings independently of the world’s expectations and impositions!

I did it!

I survived!

Can’t help remembering when I started running, how many times I started Couch to 5k and gave up on week 4, running the Bunny Hop 5k in Barrie for Deaf Access Simcoe-Muskoka and collapse at the end from exhaustion, even last year when I almost gave up at the 8k mark in the Sporting Life 10k. 

This year felt so much better. Even biked there and back. I will never be a fitness nut (nor do I want to be) but feeling strong feels good. And it also feels good to know that making plans to support my best possible run actually does make a big difference. 

This time I focused on feeling good and finishing strong. I gave myself small goals along the way (don’t be the first to stop and walk, run at least 5k before taking a walk break, make it to the turning point before taking a walk break, make it to the bottom of the big hill before taking a walk break) and made decisions to support my needs beforehand as well as along the way (good sleep before, remembered to take vitamins, drank a V8, yogurt and a banana for breakfast, juice break at the turning point, dumping water on my head as needed to stay cool and fresh, a handful of dates in my pocket for energy, walk break up the hill), so I’d be in a good position to finish strong (one of the tenets of Slow Jogging being that you remember the run based on how you finish so if you finish strong you’ll feel good about the whole thing). Also helped knowing that the kid was up early and had a plan to get to the finish line.

And I exceeded my fundraising goal for the Cancer Society! Best way to remember and honour my mum this Sunday before Mother’s Day.

Before 

After—still smiling!

Doctors hate her for this one simple trick

A month since I posted? Whoops!

I have been keeping up with walking, cycling, and trying to tap. I am no Ann Miller, but I like to think I’m less bad than when I started?

Anyway, here’s a little chart showing my weight change over the past year. It’s a comfort to see it all laid out—a consistent downward trend, as long as I keep tracking! Other things I think help: remembering vitamins, eating meat every day for iron, getting good sleep, and therapy. Where my feelings are at makes a huge difference in how I take care of myself. I don’t sleep well when I’m anxious. And if I don’t go to bed on time, I’ll eat junk food. 

I guess that’s my number one heath thing: sleep. Without good sleep, everything else falls apart—I feel anxious, I don’t exercise, and I eat junk. 

But they’re all interconnected. I sleep better when I exercise and do my therapy homework. I eat better when I do those things, too. But I can’t/don’t do them if I haven’t been getting good sleep.

Or maybe my number one thing is vitamins. If I don’t take my vitamins and iron, I am ravenous. And especially without iron, I get restless legs, which keeps me up. 

I guess maybe everything is my number one? I guess I should abandon the idea of a “number one” altogether!

There is no one. There is only all, interconnected.