Is it me, or…

So I started a new migraine medication this week, propranolol.

Previously, I had been taking amitriptyline for migraine prevention, with mixed results (maybe it would have been worse without? But I did have that nasty incident that drove me to ER). A friend suggested I ask my doctor about Qulipta. My insurance wouldn’t approve Qulipta until I “failed” two other medications. So amitriptyline was one, and propranolol will be two—or maybe it will just work and I can stay on it?

Here’s the thing with propranolol—the side effects include lowering heartrate and blood pressure. For most people, that’s a win. As someone with low blood pressure normally, it makes me a lil nervous. I already have issues with feeling lightheaded if I stand up too quickly, and now we’re doubling down on that? Hmmm…

My first treadmill run the day after starting it went really well. It was the first day of week 5 of Couch to 5k, which feels like a bit of a jump from week 4 (week 5 feels like a bit of a jump every day). I was pleased at how manageable it seemed, and noted also that my peak heartrate wasn’t as high as it had gotten two days prior when I was finishing up week 4. Meds, maybe? 

Today, though, I just felt off. My skin felt prickly? Or almost pins-and-needles but not quite? I repeated day 1 (5 minute jog, 3 minute walk, 5 minute jog, 3 minute walk, 5 minute jog) instead of progressing to day 2 (8 minute jog, 5 minute walk, 8 minute jog) because 5 minutes of jogging felt like I was really pushing it. Afterwards, my skin was super blotchy—really flushed in some areas (face, chest), really pale in others (neck). 

Blotchy!

So, I thought maybe I should look up the side effects (up till now, I’ve only known what the doc and pharmacist told me). Here we go…

From Migraine Again:

Propranolol is a beta-blocker medication developed in the 1960s to treat chest pain and high blood pressure… By blocking adrenaline, propranolol slows your heart rate, lowers your blood pressure, and reduces the dilation of peripheral blood vessels (is that where the blotchiness came from?)… Propranolol may also reduce stimulation of the trigeminal nerves in the head, which contributes to the migraine process… Common potential side effects of propranolol include:

• Dizziness or lightheadedness
• Drowsiness
• Fatigue
• Nausea (hmm, my tummy has been off lately)
• Exercise intolerance (ah, maybe that’s it)

Some readers reported intolerable side effects:

“I tried it, but it made me feel spaced out, I couldn’t concentrate, and my brain was always fuzzy—I’d rather have a migraine!”—GW (I am definitely spaced out, but I was already kinda spaced out, so…) 

“It did nothing to prevent migraine and gave me horrendous, vivid nightmares. I would not recommend it.”—MLA (not nightmares, but I have had difficulty sleeping and some vivid dreams!)

I was worried about having a “hangover” effect after last night’s struggles, but not doing too badly today (although I did almost start crying for no apparent reason on the way home from the gym). So maybe it’s helping with the anxiety too, which it is also supposed to do?

Guess just have to wait and see; often side effects go away as the body gets used to things.  

Trying something new!

So I’ve made a little plan for myself for the month of March, alternating between C25K and lighter cardio days. Trying to build gradually instead of overdoing it (again) and crashing out (again). More “jog towards the danger” than “run towards the danger” if you will.

Today, I tried using the elliptical machine for the first time.

The Elliptical

It took me a minute to get going (that is, to figure out how to get it going). But I’m excited to try something that uses my arms as well, and also is just a different “feel” to get used to.

The weirdest bit (to me) is that it doesn’t have the cross-body motion I was expecting—like when you’re walking, or a baby starts crawling—with left arm moving with right leg, and right arm with left leg. After all of the struggles I’ve had working on that, both at the start when I thought I’d use an umbrella as a walking stick on a rainy day and more recently when I started using Nordic poles, this is just the opposite!

Eventually I got used to the rhythm though, and managed to maintain a respectable (for me) pace.

The main thing is it’s another way to get my arms working. My left arm is still very much a noodle after all that time in a sling, and I obviously can’t think about lifting anything until I get my balance issues sorted out. Friday I couldn’t walk a straight line for hours after getting eye drops, yet another reminder to not get cocky! But I still think I can see the shadow of a bruise on my left arm sometimes. Today it seemed very visible when I was on the Elliptical—maybe because of the lighting, maybe I was just seeing it from different angles due to the different motion?

Is that a faint bruise, still?

Note to self: make sure to do a thorough stretch tonight, as different muscles were getting some use today. 

It’s déjà vu all over again

I’m doing Couch to 5k! Yes, the same running-for-beginners program I started thirteen years ago!

I decided that I need some kind of a framework to help me stay focused and see progress, and C25K seems as good as any. It’s straightforward, easy to follow, easy to modify (other times I’ve done it, I needed to repeat weeks as I built up my fitness, and I think the first time I tried it I only got to week four).

Thankfully, the treadmill at my gym has a setting for intervals, so it’s easy to do the walk-jog-walk-jog pattern that the early weeks follow. I’m experimenting with what speeds work for me (currently doing a 3.5mph walk and 5.5mph jog), and can always add a lil incline if feeling energetic. 

I have friends cheering me on too, which is such a comfort! Some days I feel like a total ding-dong with my baby steps—I’ve run a handful of 10ks, I should be better than this!—so having people cheer my recovery means a lot.

Now I’m feeling teary and I don’t even know anymore what’s a legit emotion and what is concussion-overwhelm… 

Mixed emotions

Feeling all the feelings right now. 

I had a real sense of optimism over the break. Reading about other people’s recoveries, making lunchtime cardio a regular habit (I even stepped up to a jog on the treadmill today), getting through a visit to Waterloo (which caused a major regression last time I tried). 

But I just got an email from my work about going on long-term disability. 

Which, I get it. Paperwork has its own timetable and it’s been almost three months (just typing that is depressing). But it’s like being told, “we don’t think you’re going to get better.” And that is depressing as hell. 

But also some of my intense emotional response to it might be due to the concussion itself. The overwhelm and crying, among my least favourite symptoms.

This morning I took “before” pics to add to the collection of progress pics I’ve posted over the years. Before as in, “you ain’t seen nothin’ yet!” But now I’m just feeling down. And like Lucy van Pelt, I don’t want ups and downs. I want ups and ups. Why can’t I go from ups to upper ups?

Anyway, here are the today pictures, whether there’s an after for them to be before, only time will tell. 

My noodle arm 

Run Towards the Danger

So I finally finished the book Run Towards the Danger this morning and it has me thinking all kinds of things, but more importantly, feeling hopeful.

I’ve been going to the gym pretty steadily for the past week and a half, doing the sub-symptom threshold cardio and trying to keep my heartrate between 80 and 90 (around 50% MHR for me). My heartrate usually tends to be on the high side, I work on regulating it through slowing down, breathing exercises, etc. (I’ve found gazing at the potted plants helps). It’s pretty boring, but I do my best.

I will also admit I have slacked off on the shoulder physio, because doing that consistently for a couple of days will give me a day of headache, so I have to rest to recover.

In the book, the expert Sarah Polley sees insists, just like the title, she needs to “Run towards the danger.” Do the stuff that makes her brain hurt. And when the symptoms come, instead of resting, exercising (she has a routine of fast-paced vestibular exercises to do).

I sadly do not have thousands of dollars to go to Pittsburgh to visit this clinic, but I want to try my own little experiment. In a low-risk way (not in a way where I risk falling and hitting my head again).

Amping up my cardio (while staying on the stationary bike, no chance of falling). And doing cardio when I feel symptoms coming on, and also talking myself through my symptoms.

One thing that happens to me when I’m experiencing cognitive stress or visual stress is that I feel a wave of heat wash over me. I’ve taken that as a signal to stop what I’m doing—finish my session with my SAD therapy lamp for example. Today I felt that rush of heat on the bike at the gym, but instead of stopping or slowing down, I just said, “This is a normal response,” and kept going. It went away.

After getting home, when I sat down to write this, I felt a headache starting. Instead of, “Oh no, a headache,” I said, “That’s just my brain fixing itself,” and the pain dissipated. Placebo effect? Maybe? Probably? Who cares, I don’t have a headache.

One of the things she mentions in the book is she started saying yes to all of the social events she had been avoiding. Man, I would very much like to get back to socialising. But I want to be mindful about how I do all this stuff, and not just knock myself out and set myself up for regression. I do have a number of things planned for January—things I planned before my accident, mostly, and a few I planned figuring, “Surely, I’ll be better by then”—so my goal for now is not to plan more, but to not need to cancel anything. 

Part of me wants to set a crazy goal, like running a marathon this fall (literally running towards to the danger). I don’t know about that. But maybe. We talked about getting a team going to fundraise for the theatre I’m on the board of, so maybe?? Is that nuts? 

I guess the first step is to see how I do tomorrow.

For now, I’m going to try going to the grocery store—an overstimulating place I’ve avoided—since my kid is here with me to support if I need it. Tomorrow he goes back to university, and I am intending to take the train with him. Last time I did a day trip to Waterloo, it knocked me out and I needed to rest a few days to recover. What if this time, instead of resting to recover, I stick to my cardio routine? We shall see…

Up and down

Oh boy, haven’t posted in months, whoops.

Cough study was a bust, pretty frustrated with that for numerous reasons, more on that another time.

10k was also a bust, I decided again running because it was cold and rainy, but apparently it was terribly mismanaged again so I’m glad I didn’t waste my time. No washrooms, no traffic control, no water, no medals. Just shockingly bad.

A tooth that was supposed to be a root canal split in half, so I needed a bridge, and last year’s bridge broke, which is not supposed to happen. 

But in good news, I played tennis last week for the first time in forever, and have doubled my average summer mileage this month so far. The weather is gorgeous and it’s lovely to be outside. My garden is mostly planted (just need to sow some lettuce and other greens).

My ferritin is good (did I blog about that yet?), my blood pressure is low, my weeks-long period finally ended, and I’m sleeping better. 

Overall, pretty good! I have to remind myself of that sometimes...

Whoof.

I have been so insanely hungry lately. We’re talking three times as many calories in as out yesterday. Whoops. Weight is the same though.

I blame hormones, although my last period—if I can even call it that—was just three days of light spotting. Gynecologist tomorrow morning to see about my “friable” cervix.

Meanwhile, I swear the hormones have messed up my muscles. They’re too tense, or they’re not tense enough. After my last run, my calves were absolute murder for about four days! Unheard of, and it was a very average run for me. 

Speaking of, tonight I’m doing another bootcamp run with Midnight Runners. Looking forward to it although a bit nervous since I have been so lazy lately! I’m sure it will be fine, although I might do more stretching than workouts during the pit stops. 

It’s me again, posting after a month of inactivity because I actually went for a run.

Let’s see, it’s been a month of travel, illness, dentistry, and side gigs… Finally getting back to normal, briefly, before things get upended again next month.

Happily, despite a lot of eating of treats and sitting in cars, my weight is where it should be. Went for a run this morning now that the weather is cooler, and it felt good.

Goal is to keep on the straight and narrow for the next two weeks, before everything goes sideways again. 

I did it!

I survived!

Can’t help remembering when I started running, how many times I started Couch to 5k and gave up on week 4, running the Bunny Hop 5k in Barrie for Deaf Access Simcoe-Muskoka and collapse at the end from exhaustion, even last year when I almost gave up at the 8k mark in the Sporting Life 10k. 

This year felt so much better. Even biked there and back. I will never be a fitness nut (nor do I want to be) but feeling strong feels good. And it also feels good to know that making plans to support my best possible run actually does make a big difference. 

This time I focused on feeling good and finishing strong. I gave myself small goals along the way (don’t be the first to stop and walk, run at least 5k before taking a walk break, make it to the turning point before taking a walk break, make it to the bottom of the big hill before taking a walk break) and made decisions to support my needs beforehand as well as along the way (good sleep before, remembered to take vitamins, drank a V8, yogurt and a banana for breakfast, juice break at the turning point, dumping water on my head as needed to stay cool and fresh, a handful of dates in my pocket for energy, walk break up the hill), so I’d be in a good position to finish strong (one of the tenets of Slow Jogging being that you remember the run based on how you finish so if you finish strong you’ll feel good about the whole thing). Also helped knowing that the kid was up early and had a plan to get to the finish line.

And I exceeded my fundraising goal for the Cancer Society! Best way to remember and honour my mum this Sunday before Mother’s Day.

Before 

After—still smiling!

One more sleep!

Tomorrow is race day!

I am relieved and thrilled to have met my fundraising goal for the Cancer Society (although still accepting donations!) 

Yesterday I did a 5k run in the morning, and a 22k ride in the afternoon to pick up my bib etc. And some walking. Today will be mostly a rest day, although I do have tennis this afternoon. 

Right now, I’m trying to strategize what to eat and when. I treated myself to new socks and a new water bottle yesterday, and a fanny pack for snacks, although the shirt I got with my bib has a back pocket! So I think I’ll return the pack and just use that. beyond water, I thought I’d bring a banana and maybe a granola bar (I think I have some in the cupboard…) or gorp.

Typically, I don’t eat before a run—I go first thing in the morning, maybe have a V8 (sometimes with added salt) to get me started. 

This run is a bit different, so maybe requires a different strategy.

• it’s twice as far as my typical run
• it’s not a “get up and go” run, I have to get myself to the starting line

That, and I am going to the theatre tonight, so not sure when I’ll have dinner (before I head out at 5:30? after I get home at 11?). If I have a very early dinner, I’ll need something in the morning. If I have a very late dinner, probably not.

Reading this article on What to Eat before Running Any Distance they say to keep it minimal for a 10k, “since this workout will last less than an hour”—clearly they don’t know me!

Thinking I will have a yogurt and coffee in the morning, and bring a banana and a granola bar if I can find one in the house. Maybe eat half the banana before? The article suggests to eat “at least 30 minutes before you line up.” Maybe get to the start early (should do that anyway), eat the banana, and shove some dates in my pocket if I need something on the way? 

Last year was so awful; I want to avoid repeating that experience if I can. Hence over thinking fuel now; it’s something within my control, so if I can, I want to make the best choices possible.

Anyway. Wish me luck! And if you want, you can track my run!

One week till race day!

Almost there! Had hoped to get a practice 10k under my belt in April, but just too much going on between my dental work and kid being sick and volunteering and work and everything else. Got 5k in this morning, but it's 10 full days (or more?) since I ran at all!

Me after a run

But I got through my 5k with no stopping, just have to do that twice next Sunday...

Still haven't reached my fundraising goal, which is frustrating. I know no one reads this blog, but if anyone is out there, please donate!

April is the cruelest month

Trying to get back on track again, has been very up and down over the last week or so.

✔ Fixed flat tire on bike 

✘Tennis cancelled 

✘Easter candy 

✘Dentist 

✘Kid sick

✘Birthday cancelled 

✔ Biked to theatre opening 

✘Kid sick again/still 

✔ Beautiful day for biking and walking 

✔ Kid better 

✔ Tennis starts!

✔ Glorious weather! 

✔ Outdoor grilling!

✔ Taught kid to fix their own flat tire 

✘Blustery weather returns 

Okay tallying that up... 8 ✔ vs 7 ✘. Just barely on the positive side of the balance. Good news is, I signed up for a group run tomorrow night, and snow is no longer part of the forecast. It might snow tonight, but should be gone by tomorrow. Crossing fingers...

Weekend update

5k run this morning. Felt really good! Temperature on the cusp of zero, but the sun was shining and birds were singing. My 10k is four weeks from today… yikes.

Overall this long weekend has been pretty good (although since I keep a four-day work week, it’s really no different for me).

Friday: fixed my flat tyre. Still need to install the new headlights and grips, but at least it’s rideable now. It feels so nice to be able to get around again. Baked honey cake and made onion rings for the first time (so good!). Rode my bike to tea with my cousins, later met a friend for a sauna and a drink. 

Saturday, tennis was cancelled (supposed to be my first lesson, boo) but met a new friend for hot chocolate, did some shopping downtown, got new running shorts (Uniqlo Airism) in the same grey as my Brooks bra, a couple of t-shirts for summer (realized last summer just how old and ratty my t-shirt selection had gotten), and a cute tank top. Picked up liver for dinner.  Did a tiny amount of sewing. Then went to the opera in the evening and was very good about going straight to bed without playing around on my phone (although I did bring cookies and milk). 

It was only this morning that I remembered that yesterday was my parents’ wedding anniversary. Previously that’s been a hard day for me, but this year was fine. And I realized that—subconsciously I suppose—the things I chose to do in the course of the day honoured each of my parents in their own way (sewing and liver for mum, opera for dad), and called them to mind without sadness while I was doing them. So that is a big improvement for me.

Have some feelings about my birthday this week, the usual “how am I this old and still single, no one will ever want me” routine. But I’m also feeling fit and strong today, and trying on new clothes (cropped tank top, at my age? I think it’s pretty cute, actually!) and meeting new people are both tangible reminders that I have new experiences and adventures to explore. I should probably take some progress pics again, it’s been a while.

Overall, feeling pretty good and feeling more like myself again.

Gear review: Brooks Women’s Dare Racerback Sports Bra

After years of running in squash-everything style sports bras, I finally got one with proper sizing - the Brooks Women’s Dare Racerback Sports Bra. Wriggling into this thing was a struggle! Comparing the back view of the 2.0 version, I think they heard that and made some changes.

Nevertheless, I have to say this bra is amazing! Nothing moves! I never realized how much bounce and shift I was putting up with before. S/M/L sizing just doesn't work for me. It’s kind of ridiculous when you're looking at a size chart for a bra that's totally non-adjustable, and they pretend that the same size will be fine for both a 30D and a 40A... no it won’t! So glad to have found something that has proper sizing, is adjustable, and holds everything where it belongs.

Chugging along

Managed to get back on track, sort of. We’ve had some major snowstorms here, which have made even walking outside difficult! But I managed to hit the half-way mark on my fundraising page, so that is something! 

In other news, I’m still tapping, and managed to conquer the dreaded Parks & Rec registration to sign up for tennis lessons, which start in April. Very much looking forward to getting different types of movement happening. It’s easy to just do the same old same old, but when I do do something different, I always notice how different it feels—because it generally means using muscles I never use normally (which means I need to use them more!).

Also, this is vain but my tennis skirt (which I bought to have something to wear to tap) is just so freaking cute, and I feel cute when I wear it. Gotta get my enjoyment out of life where I can!

Stopped running again

Argh, these last two weeks. Covid booster misery. Out of town (lots of other activity though! Hiking, swimming, high ropes...). Dental surgery. I am just exhausted.

Soon though, soon... 

Started running again

Needed some motivation to get moving, so I signed up for a 10k in May to raise money for cancer, in mum’s memory. 

So far the idea has been to run three days a week—Sunday, Tuesday, Friday—but I’ve not managed Friday yet. Once was evil cold (-23°c), and once... I’ll be honest, I was tired. But I had been out two nights in a row during the week (highly unusual for me), rode my bike both times, and had an hour of tap the night before. And I’m still at my goal weight, meeting all the other markers for general health, so it’s fine, I tell you, fine!

Damnit

My fitness tracker website died!

For years—decades almost—I used fitday.com to track my diet, excercise, body measurements, periods, moods, you name it. It was kinda rickety and some of the functionality broke over time, but it still worked well enough for my purposes and more importantly it had years worth of my data! 

I suppose I should have seen this coming but it would have been nice if we had been given any kind of warning. Grr.

So now... any suggestions for good trackers? Free, track nutrition and exercise at a minimum?

Sigh...

Slow Jogging

I heard about this only recently, and decided to check out the book from the library:

Slow Jogging by Hiroaki Tanaka

Slow Jogging by Hiroaki Tanaka is “an efficient, healthier, and pain-free approach to running for all ages and lifestyles.” Sounds good to me, as someone who takes up running for a bit, and then dumps it again. Basically, it’s the opposite of “no pain, no gain.” Tanaki dreamed of being an Olympic-level runner, but struggled with training and eventually was told (wrongly) that he had been born with a heart condition that meant he couldn’t train at that level. He went on to research exercise, but didn’t really put his theories into practice. After taking more than 4 unhappy hours to finish a marathon in his 30s, he gave up exercise until he turned 45, when he was diagnosed with fatty liver and high cholesterol, due to weight gain and years of being sedentary.

His practice is based on running at “niko niko” pace, from the Japanese word for smile—meaning a pace that allows you to talk to companions, sing a song, generally enjoy what you’re doing. Sounds good to me!

It’s also similar to some of the advice from the other book I’m reading, Exercise for Mood and Anxiety. I put some of that into practice this morning, reminding myself that I feel better after a run, and walking for part of my 5k this morning. I ran 2 km, walked roughly .5 km, ran 1.5, walked .5, and ran the final .5—a strong finish/ending on a high note being a good way to cement the memory of the run as enjoyable rather than a drag!—and ended up doing some of my fastest splits ever. One km was under 6 minutes, which is super fast for me, even if it’s slow for everyone else!

Reading material

Re-reading this book: Exercise for Mood and Anxiety: Proven Strategies for Overcoming Depression and Enhancing Well-Being. It’s all about finding ways to exercise—and motivate yourself to exercise—by focusing on psychology and mindset. 

For example, you’re more likely to remember how you felt at the end of something than the beginning, so end on a high note, maybe by taking a break before the end to catch your breath rather than trying to power through (I did that this morning - ran 3km, walked a km, and then felt better running the final stretch of my 5k).

I also like that they focus on motivation as an external thing that you can set up, as opposed to some mysterious quality that comes from within. I am suddenly reminded of a neighbour I saw the other day walking his lil puppy—by carrying a stick with peanut butter on the end, just out of reach! Puppy didn't want to walk, but she wanted that peanut butter! Human people are more like that than we like to admit!