Trying something new!

So I’ve made a little plan for myself for the month of March, alternating between C25K and lighter cardio days. Trying to build gradually instead of overdoing it (again) and crashing out (again). More “jog towards the danger” than “run towards the danger” if you will.

Today, I tried using the elliptical machine for the first time.

The Elliptical

It took me a minute to get going (that is, to figure out how to get it going). But I’m excited to try something that uses my arms as well, and also is just a different “feel” to get used to.

The weirdest bit (to me) is that it doesn’t have the cross-body motion I was expecting—like when you’re walking, or a baby starts crawling—with left arm moving with right leg, and right arm with left leg. After all of the struggles I’ve had working on that, both at the start when I thought I’d use an umbrella as a walking stick on a rainy day and more recently when I started using Nordic poles, this is just the opposite!

Eventually I got used to the rhythm though, and managed to maintain a respectable (for me) pace.

The main thing is it’s another way to get my arms working. My left arm is still very much a noodle after all that time in a sling, and I obviously can’t think about lifting anything until I get my balance issues sorted out. Friday I couldn’t walk a straight line for hours after getting eye drops, yet another reminder to not get cocky! But I still think I can see the shadow of a bruise on my left arm sometimes. Today it seemed very visible when I was on the Elliptical—maybe because of the lighting, maybe I was just seeing it from different angles due to the different motion?

Is that a faint bruise, still?

Note to self: make sure to do a thorough stretch tonight, as different muscles were getting some use today. 

Wow, that really knocked me off the rails.

My headache appointment with the concussion clinic today really set me off for some reason.

I suspect part of it is because I am still so wiped from yesterday—waiting for the streetcar that was super late, waiting at the fracture clinic, waiting for a bus that never came and eventually having to walk home carrying stuff—so I was starting at a low ebb. 

There was also frustration at realising I might be making my headaches worse by taking too much Tylenol—I was following with the orthopaedic surgeon at the fracture clinic said, but apparently the amount I had been taking is not good for more than maybe a week, and could be making my headaches worse. So, no more over-the-counter pain relief, unless I really, really need it, which is kind of daunting considering I’m starting physio tomorrow.

But the real kicker for me was when the doc started talking about other ways to keep headaches at bay, to allow me to sleep and rest and heal. There are some off-label medications, which mainly sounded like they would not be good for me. For example, there’s a high-blood-pressure med that can be a prophylactic for headaches—considering my blood pressure is already low (dropped down to 87/49 this summer), that would be terrible for me. Likewise a medication for treating tachycardia. My pulse doesn’t need to get any lower!

Then they mentioned Botox injections for headache. Just thinking about getting a needle to the face took me right back to the ER department and the horrible mean cruel Dr. Firdouse laughing at my pain. Just thinking about it now, I’m fighting back tears. I need to go through my emails and finish filing my complaint about that guy, but it’s just one more chore on the daunting to-do list and just thinking about the pushback and doubt and denial I’ll have to face makes it feel like an impossible task.

Anyway, after my appointment I had headaches and nausea and tears and I couldn’t face going back to work. Which means I need to log in tonight or tomorrow to finish stuff. Ugh ugh ugh.

Noticing a theme

I was skimming over the titles of recent posts trying to remember if I had posted a particular recipe, when I noticed what seems to be a pattern emerging.

“Trying, trying too hard”

“The hard days”

“A lesson learned”

“Learning my limits”

Hmm.

Not that it’s surprising really, but there seems to be a lot of hitting walls. A lot of one-step-forward-two-steps-back. Trying things, and discovering that they were maybe too much.

That said, I am a lot better. I can walk almost as fast as a sleepy person out for a stroll. I can cross a street before the lights change! I can use my arm somewhat as long as I’m not lifting something that weighs more than a kilo. I don’t need to nap every day.

I am trying to be diligent about taking breaks before I think I need them. I think this is key (well, one of many keys) but it is so hard to do.  

So I went to the dentist

And it wasn’t that bad!

I mean it wasn’t great either, I just imagined it being a lot worse.

I wore and eye mask, and let everyone know what had happened with me, and everyone was very calm and soothing. Helped too I think that it was a pretty minor filling, I was done in about thirty minutes. I did find myself weeping randomly in the chair, and sat for about ten minutes in the waiting room before I felt ready to go, and then sat at the subway station for about another 15 minutes waiting for my bus.

Stars aligned so that a vintage red velvet coat I had been pining for was available to pick up not far away, pretty much on my way home, and near the home of the best sandwich in the city. My dentist is also conveniently located near some nice bakeries and a bookstore where I had an order waiting (totally forgot about that—was supposed to pick it up six weeks ago, the day before my fall!), so I had picked up a book and a slice of cake on my way there, and went to the vintage & arts market and deli on my way home.

The day had started looking fairly grim (I was worried I would get rained on) but by the time I got off the bus near the market, the sun was glorious. I feel so much better when it’s sunny! I arrived a little early, so meandered around the store a bit. Wandering in junky antique stores has been a favourite pastime since I was in school, so it was really nice to do something that felt “normal,” like I’m me again. Even if I did need to leave my bag because it was feeling too heavy. I found a cute bracelet in red quartzite which supposedly brings “power, concentration, and strength” (all things I desperately need!) and is also a lovely colour. I saw some glasses I might go back for. And the coat is perfect—the most gorgeous colour, and in mint condition.

It felt so nice to be doing things I like doing, and feeling able to to them!

I was super exhausted when I got home and today my arm hurts like crazy, but what can you do. Had planned to get my glasses adjusted today, but I think I need to stay home. I walked over 2km yesterday, so a rest day is well earned. Maybe I’ll bake something; I need to outpace my veg box.

Best coat ever

The Honest Abe from When the Pig Came Home

Smetanyk slice from Cake Smith

The hard days

Occasionally I will remember a thing, or realise a thing, that leaves me feeling kinda sad.

I’ve already given away tickets to the opera, the symphony, the ballet. I’ve already accepted that we won’t be able to go the the panto this year.

But as holiday season approaches, all kinds of things are hitting me.

I decided weeks ago not to try to host my annual eggnog party this year, but just realised we probably won’t have a tree either. Getting the tree and getting it in the house is one thing; hauling the ornaments out of the closet, decorating, and then putting it all away again after is another.

And I just realised that candlelight Christmas Eve service—which I love, love, love—may well be torture. It will be our congregation’s first in our new home. I was so looking forward to it. But all that flickering... maybe we can check it out and leave early if need be? I could make my kid hold my candle, and keep a sleep mask handy in case slipping it on briefly helps? We’ll see…

I keep hoping I’ll just magically feel better—I do feel a lot better than before!—but it also hit me today that Saturday will be the six week mark. My concussion pal told me that people usually feel better in three to six weeks, or three months, or it becomes chronic. I wanted to be a six-week person. Can’t help thinking I’d be farther along if my shoulder weren’t broken as well.  

Survival tips: my bed

A few adjustments I made. Just sharing for fun. And if someone finds it useful.

My bed

The Pillow Wall

I arranged my pillows to form a pillow wall to prop up my arm and keep me from rolling onto my bad shoulder. Basically took my two firmest pillows, stacked them, and placed them to the side going lengthwise along the bed instead of widthwise at the top. The rest of my pillows are at the top where pillows normally are. This allows me to extend my arm and keeps me from rolling over in my sleep. Yes I have a lot of pillows. My ex used to complain about it. So glad he is gone from my life! These pillows make a much better partner!

The Dimmer Cord

I have an extension cord dimmer switch so I can adjust the light without having to reach. See that lamp on the bedside table in the background? It was too far away. The dimmer cord is basically an extension cord you can plug one thing into, controlled by a dimmer switch, and enough length that you can keep the dimmer close to you even if the plug and lamp are not. I got this when my kid (now grown and away at university) was a baby, to use in the nursery when he fell asleep in my arms. I have no idea where I bought this one so many years ago, but this dimmer cord is pretty much the same.

The Bedside Box

That bedside table, so near yet so far. Couldn’t get to it without leaning on my arm. Couldn’t move it to the other side of the bed, as there’s a dresser there. Can’t move that, and it’ too high and too far to use as a bedside table. So, I put a cardboard box on top of my wastepaper basket for a makeshift reachable bedside table. Because it is a box, things stay inside/don’t fall off. It is ugly, but who cares! It works and cost nothing!

Actually, none of these solutions cost me anything; they’re just stuff I had on hand. But they have been so helpful to me!

A lesson learned

One of the hardest parts of this whole thing is seeing reminders pop up on my phone for events I booked months ago.

Last night was a Masterclass in Charcuterie led by the owner and charcutier at Sanagan’s Meat Locker. 

Charcuterie from Sanagan’s Meat Locker

I reached out to the organisers to ask some questions beforehand: 

Is it likely to be very noisy, a bunch of people talking at once, or mostly one person talking while other people listen?

Is it a very bright/highly-lit environment, or more like “mood lighting” ?

Is there participation involved where I’d need to use both arms?

They answered my questions, and based on that and knowing how I’d get to the location, I decided this might be a good “test run” to see how I do with attending something that isn’t a medical appointment of some sort.

(Earlier I thought a theatre usher volunteer shift this week might be my test-run, but after asking if there were any environmental warnings like strobe or haze (lots of haze) and if they expected it to be a very busy full house (not a full house, but with two shows concurrently the lobby would get hectic) I decided against that one.)

So I am glad I went, as it was a lovely evening and I enjoyed the event, but it did demonstrate that I am not really up for going out yet.

Getting there was straightforward, but this was the first time I’d gone out at night in over a month, and the darkness punctuated by bright lights was a lot to deal with. There was an elevator up to the fifth floor, but it was old and a little jerky—fine for a normal person, but not for me right now.

The listening atmosphere was mostly great—one person talking at a time, no amplification, some quiet conversation—but there were a couple of occasions where people applauded, and honestly it could have been a gun going off next to me. Even though there were only maybe two dozen of us, it was a lot for me.

The lighting was nice. Enough to see everything clearly without eyestrain, but not overly bright and no fluorescents. Thing is, there were candles on the tables, which seemed fine at first, but there was this thing where the flickering of candles reflecting off the surface of water in a glass was like lights flashing in my periphery. I never would have thought candles would be a problem! Now I know.

The only shoulder-related issue I had to deal with was trying to hang up my coat. Many people had already arrived, and the coat hooks were kind of high on the wall, so most of the lower coat hooks were taken when I got there. I did manage to find one though. The hosts were kind about helping me find a seat where I wouldn’t get jostled, and my table-mates were very kind about serving the food for me and making sure my water glass was full.

So it was a lovely evening, but about 90 minutes in I just wanted to lie down and rest. Will definitely check out their events in the future—after I have fully recovered.

Meanwhile, I just cancelled all of my plans for the rest of 2025. Hoping enough rest will help me recover by the holidays. 

It’s honestly pretty upsetting to think that I won’t get to do any of the fun things I normally enjoy. All of the things I normally do to keep my cup filled are no longer available to me. I have been able to do a small amount of knitting, maybe that will be my salvation. It will be nice too to have my arm back so I can at least clean the house.

The story so far

So my fall happened on Saturday 11 October, when my kid was visiting for Thanksgiving and reading week (great to have them here to help out, although it must have sucked for them, and I was probably pushing myself to appear “fine” when I was not). 

Saturday night is never a good time to go to ER, and I did not have a good time. More on that later maybe.

They stitched up my forehead, said nothing was broken asked me to come back Sunday morning at 6:50 for fracture clinic, and if I wanted anything for the pain I would have to wait until then. At fracture clinic, the orthopaedic surgeon told me I did have a fracture, it was just hard to see because the x-ray was not clear, so the night doc missed it. My elbow x-rays had to be re-done because they were not clear at all. Fracture clinic doc said no weightbearing, keep it in the sling (even while sleeping), lost of rest etc., and come back in three weeks (actually the doc said two weeks; the straight-talking admin said it would be three as they’re overbooked and also even with an appointment, I should expect to spend 1-3 hours waiting). I asked if I could see my physio (I already had an appointment that Thursday for my shoulder, more on that later) and he said okay, but not to move my shoulder, only to work on elbow and wrist mobility.

On Thursday, while my kid was visiting their dad, I saw my physio and pretty much broke down crying in his office because I felt so shaky and awful, and it might have been the first time I felt I could cry—the first time I felt someone really saw and understood my pain. I was all vague about how bad my injuries were (because I was in a general cloud of vagueness at that point) and showed him the notes the ER doc sent me home with, but he saw immediately that I had a broken shoulder, I had a concussion, I needed lots of rest and minimal activity. He made sure I was going to see my doctor asap before he let me leave the office.

Then I went to a random clinic to get my stitches out (ER should have provided me with a stitch removal kit, but chose to withhold that, so I had to call around to find a walk-in clinic that had one) followed by a trip to my family doc to get a check-up and a referral to a neuro clinic (I should have given him the one my friend recommended right then! But that’s the thing about concussion, you forget stuff!) and bought myself a doughnut on the way home. I was a wreck. I bumped into someone I knew, almost didn’t recognize them, and then started crying while they backed awkwardly away (part of me wonders—how did he not see that I needed help? I can’t imagine seeing someone in the shape I was in, and not making sure they got home safely).

Oof, that was all hard to write. What an awful first few days. And I left out the hardest parts. Maybe I’ll fill that in later.

Oh boy...

Another year, another injury : (

I feel bad that I didn’t share more about my Bike Rally ride this summer—just too busy!

Strange to think that just a few short months ago I was tackling incredible feats of athletic endurance, and now, I struggle to walk around the block.

Yep, sidelined by an injury.

And just like the start of this blog, I wasn’t doing anything exciting or (seemingly risky) when it happened—I was on foot, and tripped on a curb. Walking (or rather, running to catch a traffic light) and wearing sensible shoes.

I have a fractured shoulder (specifically, a minimally displaced fracture of the greater tuberosity of the humeral head) and concussion. These are things that do not go together well—balance issues from the concussion, and with only one arm functioning, an extremely limited ability to catch myself if I fall. Pain seems to make a lot of my concussion symptoms (headache, nausea, fatigue, brain fog and overwhelm) a lot worse. So yesterday when I had my follow-up at the fracture clinic, which meant I had to move my arm for x-rays, the pain from that made my brain kinda shut down.

Wild that this is almost exactly 15 years from my first injury.

I’ll end this post the same way I ended the first post, since it is exactly true for today too:

Anyway tomorrow I start physio, and I wanted a place to keep track of what I’m doing exercise-wise, diet-wise, and otherwise-wise.

How it started, & how it’s going