Race report

Spoiler alert: it was terrible.

I have put off writing this, because it was such a horrible day. But here goes.

Mother’s Day is always hard for me, because I still haven’t recovered from my mother’s death, and since I have been a mother, I have never had a partner who cared about me. So it’s generally a disappointment. Maybe less bad on average since my divorce, but still a hard day.

This day was the worst.

The one thing I asked from my kid was to be at the finish line. They said they would—but they were at their dad’s on Saturday night. We discussed bus routes, Presto cards, etc. etc. They said they’d be there.

I was super emotional all morning, obviously.

I texted my kid from the start line, reminding them of which bus stop to get off, and that I’d check in at the water stations to give them a better idea of timing if I was running early/late.

I texted at the 4km water station.

I texted at the 7km station—there was no reply to my previous texts, so I decided to walk for a bit (save my energy for the final km) and wait for a response. Nothing. I texted their dad. They overslept “but on the way soon.” I was coming up to 8km by then.

There’s an incline up to 8km, so I decided to walk to that point and then resume running. But just knowing my kid had forgotten me on Mother’s Day of all days—after I made an emergency sick-kid school pickup just two days before, and then went back again to collect their bicycle—I just felt so alone. All morning I had been struggling not to cry, off and on. Now I had a full-on panic attack. Tried to remember all of my grounding exercises—box breathing, find something red, something blue, etc.—but I just couldn’t breath. I started making a wheezy/whooping sound on every inhalation, something like stridor, which reminded my of when I had pertussis a number of years ago. I focussed on my diaphragm, and finally got to a normal breathing pattern by 9km. 

I ran the last km, obviously no one was waiting for me at the finish line—I was all alone—and again couldn’t breathe. I made it to the medic tent just for a place to sit down, and they checked my blood pressure (125/75) and oxygen (99%) and after sitting for a while I was ready to move again. 

Got a drink, got my medal, went to the luggage check, got changed, was on my way to the food area when the kid texted, “almost there.” Arranged to meet at the luggage check (easiest to recognize from a distance, fewest people to get lost in a crowd), and we left without eating.

I didn’t even manage to get any sponsors to donate to the charity (one friend sponsored me later that afternoon) so it was 100% pointless.

Worst run ever. I don’t think I’ll do a 10k again.

Yuck!

Wow have I felt terrible the last few days! Starting to feel a bit more normal today, although still crampy.

I feel like my experiment in 16:8 will be kind of inconclusive—I had thought it was the cause of my constipation, but maybe that was due to PMS? Resolved without any switching up of diet, at any rate. 

Exercise-wise, I am trying to keep on keeping on, doing arm work with dumb bells and that sort of thing, and basically leaving my core out of it this week. Very difficult to feel motivated to do anything. Managed a walk yesterday, will try that again today. My schedule has me going for a run tomorrow morning, but not sure I’ll feel up to it. Don't want to be anywhere but home. 

Which reminds me I’m supposed to be volunteering tomorrow night… ugh, at least it is basically standing around followed by sitting around. Hoping things have settled by then.

The TMI Post

Well, it's been a week of 16:8 intermittent fasting, and the only effect I have really noticed is that I am constipated. Yesterday, for my first meal of the day at noon, I opted for a favourite that can usually be relied upon for the hoped-for result—oatmeal porridge with dried apricots, sunflower seeds, and molasses. And a pot of strong black coffee.

No luck.

Thinking I might go back to the 2:5 version as that has worked for me in the past, with no ill effects.

In other TMI news, I seem to have gotten my period, which is very unlike me. I had a bit of spotting a couple of weeks ago—now it occurs to me, timing-wise, could that have been ovulation spotting? Ugh I have no need to ovulate. Whatever.

Anyway today I am crampy and bloated and uncomfortable. Went for a run; didn't even make 4k because aside from feeling blecch, one of the seams on my tights started rubbing me the wrong way and it was just all around unpleasant. Ugh.

At least I have been keeping up with my mini workouts four times a week. 

I was hoping to go for a bike ride this afternoon, but we'll see what my belly has to say about that I guess. I have been gearing up for biking season (literally) with new shorts, new horn, new gloves, a tune-up and new chain, and a new cup holder (a birthday present from my wonderful son)! New shoes have been ordered, and I'm working on a pattern for a cycling dress with all of the features of a cycling jersey - rear pockets, technical fabrics—but cute instead of ugly (kind of like the shoes - although not “officially” a flat cycling shoe, they have the features of one—room for toes, grippy soles, snug secure fit with some support). I'm going to order some fabric called “chitosante” which is made using a fibre from crab shells, and is supposed to have great properties for wicking as well as being odour-resistant. I hope it lives up to its advertising!

3 weeks to go!

 That 10k is just around the corner!

It's been an incredibly stressful time here, as my kid is off to a third world country for two weeks just as the pandemic is ramping up again, and with a war on. Thank goodness they aren't changing planes in Europe st least. All of the vaccines were procured and prophylactic medications taken (if anti vaxxers think covid is rough, I guess they've never travelled internationally?)

But I am trying to make the most of it. No excuse not to run mornings if I'm not chasing him off to school, no reason not to mix up my food habits if he isn't tempting me with pringles and ice cream.

So, I have decided to make an effort to eat less bread (after an Easter weekend of panettone and hot crossed buns), and try 16:8 intermittent fasting. I've done 2:5 before, and it was good for me once I got into it, but easy to say, "this week I can't because..." 

But again, I'm alone now, no excuses. If nothing else it will stop the late night run to the corner store for treats. 

I also got a free week of Hello Fresh deliveries, so starting that today. It's 3 meals for 2, so 6 meals for me. Tonight is spinach salad with blackened barramundi (for all the hot sauce and cajun spice, it was very bland). A lot of the choices were super stodgy (cheesey mashed potatoes, rice, pasta) which is certainly a cheap way for them to fill up the box, but I'm trying something different so chose "carb smart" options. Wasn't very impressed with the menu options generally, though. We'll see. It's free and it's different anyway. 

In other news, I have kept up with doing 15 minute mini workout sessions 4 times a week since signing up for a Strava challenge about 6 weeks ago. So that is something? And I had a good no-walk-breaks 5k last week. 

And I've got some friends to commit to reminding me to take my vitamins since I forget when the kid isn't here. And friends to hang out with. The pandemic has been really lonely for me, and not having my kid makes it harder. I'm fostering a semi-feral cat, so not 100% alone, but the cat doesn't talk much. 

Hoping for a good two weeks and not just moping missing my kid!

Blarg

Ok screw that new medication, it was making me feel worse instead of better. Had a rough few days after stopping it, but starting to see the other side now.

Managed a 5k run this morning - with some walking in the middle! In part because I had accidentally turned off the sound on my phone. I like the little announcement every km telling me how far I've gone. 

I tend to set my alarm for 6:45 and then lie in bed until the news at 7, and sometimes sleep through it... today I told myself, "you can stretch while you're waiting for/listening to the news." Started stretching before I got out of bed! And that really helped to get me going. Finding ways to work with my existing habits really helps, I find.

I also tried something new today - my neighbourhood is hilly, and you can't get very far without encountering traffic lights etc. So today, I just kept going generally downhill, route largely determined by manageable crossings at busy streets, until I hit 5km. Then, I walked to the nearest bus stop, and took the bus home.

Boy, did I feel a lot colder when I got off the bus than when I got on! And a lot stiffer, yikes. Still need to stretch more. Live and learn...

(Lack of) Progress Pics

I went for a run this morning! First in many months. It felt good! Temperature was -1°, so a little bit icy in spots, but a great temperature for me. I swear this run - after months of winter inactivity - was easier than any run I went on last summer/fall. I chalk that up to a combination of climate (the heat and humidity kill me, running without sweating is bliss) and iron levels (last summer my ferritin was 3 or 4, now it's up to 13). Amazing the difference eating meat makes! Or eating more meat I should say; I was never vegetarian, but wasn't making the effort to eat meat every day. 

Anyway, I haven't been good about taking progress pics, but thought today would be a good day, to correspond with my first run of the year. 

Finally! Something to reach for!

Two years ago, I signed up for my first offical 10k, to take place in May 2020.

2020. Sigh.

Well, it's happening live and in-person this year, and I signed up! So excited to have a goal to motivate me!

And, so far I've stuck to my short-term goal of doing a 10-minute mini-workout every morning this week, and I've been remembering my vitamins.

Interesting how activity and appetite intersect... even though I've been getting more exercise this week, I'm not hungrier. In fact, I've been eating less. Is it because I've consistently remembered my vitamins? Probably?

This weekend may be rough due to my booster - I've ordered a decadent panettone to help me get through it - so I'm going to pick up a nice steak for dinner Friday night. Meat has helped bring my ferritin up from the basement, but I'm hoping to boost it well up into the optimal range. Setting my sights on 50! Should make sure I have some smoked oysters and/or mussels on hand, too...

Update time

Well, despite covid and not taking my supplements as a result (mainly I would just fall asleep without remembering), my ferritin is bouncing back - I guess making sure to eat iron-rich meat every day is the solution! And I'm fine with that!

I'm still having issues with energy, and getting moving in the Canadian winter, with extreme cold alerts and snowfall warnings every week. Excited to discover though that the Sporting Life 10k is happening live and in-person this year! I signed up for it in January 2020 as my first "official" 10k, and then... well 2020 happened. They still sent me a t-shirt and a medal, and I still ran the distance, but it just isn't the same, is it? I am hoping that signing up for that will be motivation for me to get running again. I need external motivators - intrinsic just doesn't cut it for me.

Meanwhile, I set a mini goal for myself this week: do a 10-minute workout every morning before work. No one can say they don't have 10 minutes to spare. Situps, squats, lunges, wall pushups, etc. Today is day three. Goal is to be consistent through Friday - then I have my covid booster shot, so all bets are off (last one left me feeling terrible).