Cardio for concussion

This morning I had an exercise counselling session with a physiotherapist at the Toronto Concussion Clinic. The plan is “sub-symptom cardiovascular exercise training protocol.” Basically, try to maintain a consistent heartrate—starting at 50% of maximum heartrate (MHR)—for 20 minutes, without getting concussion symptoms. Warm up beforehand to get to that heartrate, maintain for 20 minutes, then cool down. My target heartrate at this point is 80-90.

I went for a little walk to the library today to print out the session notes (I have soooo many notes… I did finally buy a binder so I can organize them, but it feels like so much work), which is a walk I have done approximately one million times. Usually takes 13-15 minutes sauntering, depending on whether you have luck with the traffic light.

Today, it took me 21 minutes, and my heartrate was all over the place:

Heartrate 69-111?!

Hrmph.

It may well be that the watch I stopped wearing because it gave me a rash is not accurate (I have a new, hopefully better heartrate monitor on order). But it definitely felt like my heart was racing. And around the 14-minute mark, I was getting headaches and nausea. Do not like.

For comparison, here’s something I posted (not here, but an online discussion about fitness) a year and a bit ago:

Yesterday I checked my heartrate barely a minute after I got off my bike. I rode to work, 15 minutes averaging about 13mph, fastest was 22mph. According to one of the articles, cycling over 10mph is “vigorous activity.” Going by the how does it feel—breathing, perspiration, but can hold conversation—it would be “moderate activity.” I felt like my heart was pumping, so I went straight to the machine in the drugstore, and it said BP 105/60, pulse 73, which according to the charts is not even “low intensity” for a 75-year-old.

I’m like an entirely different person now.

Tomorrow I’m seeing Angus; I will bring my notes from the TCC physio to see if he has any tips/thoughts as the longterm keeper of my shoulder. They also gave me some coordination and asymmetrical bilateral exercises, which involve arms (because I have forgotten how to swing my arms like a normal person when I walk).

It’s so frustrating to feel like I’m getting worse instead of better. I feel like I’m regressing and I want to be progressing. It’s depressing as hell and I’m just exhausted and crying all the time. Do not like. 

Survival tips: the 20-20-20 rule

This week has been a bad week and it’s also my mother’s birthday but all of that is too much to think about right now.

Instead I’m just going to share a quick easy thing because I was reminded of it by a friend’s Substack (everyone I know has a Substack!)

The 20-20-20 rule is simply:

Every 20 minutes, look at something 20 feet away for 20 seconds.

Everyone who spends their day in front of a screen should do this, concussion or not. It’s good for your eyes, it’s good for your head.

I was reminded of it because my friend wrote about setting reminders to move and ignoring them (I, too, have so many reminders on my phone that I ignore!) but the work-from-home hack for this is simple:

Set the oven timer.

That’s it. The timer is in another room. The timer is part of a giant unmoveable appliance. You have to get up to turn it off. That’s the hack.

Because it’s a 20-second break, you don’t have to worry about appearing away on Teams, or losing track of what you are doing. The other day, I had just hit CTRL+C in a document, took my 20-second break to turn off the oven timer (and reset it for another 20 minutes), and came back to CTRL-V whatever it was in the document I was working on. Pretty much seamless. But your eyes and brain (and body) will appreciate the tiny time away. 

Too much to say

I really have too many things that I want to write down but I don’t have the energy for it.

Fracture clinic, physio, headaches, tinnitus, nausea, exertion, exhaustion, emotion.

Wish I had been wearing my fitness watch yesterday because I'm sure my heartrate was all over the place.

Tomorrow is a big work thing and it isn’t clear if I’m supposed to be in the office in the morning or can do remote until an afternoon event. I just checked my work email to see if there had been any instructions to make it obvious but it just says the meeting is on Teams although when that was sent my understanding is it was a “placeholder” and details would be forthcoming? I am not able to navigate lack of clarity right now so it’s really hard. I am so exhausted from yesterday I can’t face leaving home at 7:30 am to get to a meeting I might not even have to travel for.

Late night update because it just hit me

How much of my intense reaction to the horrible Dr Firdouse is related to memories his terrible treatment  of me brings back of the arrogant surgeon who misdiagnosed my mother’s cancer and put us through months of agony?

Just had a moment of anger at Dr Firdouse’s incompetence and realised it was the same anger I felt towards that surgeon. Both arrogant people who arrived at their own conclusions without looking at the actual patient. Ugh. 

I am generally a champion of our medical system, but like any system, it’s only as strong as it’s weakest link, and quacks like Firdouse are the weakest.   

Wow, that really knocked me off the rails.

My headache appointment with the concussion clinic today really set me off for some reason.

I suspect part of it is because I am still so wiped from yesterday—waiting for the streetcar that was super late, waiting at the fracture clinic, waiting for a bus that never came and eventually having to walk home carrying stuff—so I was starting at a low ebb. 

There was also frustration at realising I might be making my headaches worse by taking too much Tylenol—I was following with the orthopaedic surgeon at the fracture clinic said, but apparently the amount I had been taking is not good for more than maybe a week, and could be making my headaches worse. So, no more over-the-counter pain relief, unless I really, really need it, which is kind of daunting considering I’m starting physio tomorrow.

But the real kicker for me was when the doc started talking about other ways to keep headaches at bay, to allow me to sleep and rest and heal. There are some off-label medications, which mainly sounded like they would not be good for me. For example, there’s a high-blood-pressure med that can be a prophylactic for headaches—considering my blood pressure is already low (dropped down to 87/49 this summer), that would be terrible for me. Likewise a medication for treating tachycardia. My pulse doesn’t need to get any lower!

Then they mentioned Botox injections for headache. Just thinking about getting a needle to the face took me right back to the ER department and the horrible mean cruel Dr. Firdouse laughing at my pain. Just thinking about it now, I’m fighting back tears. I need to go through my emails and finish filing my complaint about that guy, but it’s just one more chore on the daunting to-do list and just thinking about the pushback and doubt and denial I’ll have to face makes it feel like an impossible task.

Anyway, after my appointment I had headaches and nausea and tears and I couldn’t face going back to work. Which means I need to log in tonight or tomorrow to finish stuff. Ugh ugh ugh.

Feeling annoyed today

It’s a combination of having to wait an insanely long time in the cold for the streetcar (24+ minutes when it’s supposed to come every 11), the boredom of the fracture clinic waiting room, and an irritating email, compounded by the fact that the waiting room boredom led me to follow links from the irritating email to a rabbit hole of stupidity about “body positivity.”

I’ve complained about body positivity before. Because it’s just another platitude, just another way to pick apart women’s bodies for being wrong.

So the annoying email was from a friend’s Substack (literally everyone I know has a Substack) about celebrities I am not familiar with who have lost weight, and why you shouldn’t criticise the individual but it’s okay to criticise the phenomenon, and then refers to the celebrities as “dumb-dumbs.”

Like really?

You want to be holier than thou about bodyshapes but if anyone doesn’t follow your rules it’s because they must not be very smart?

Stupidly I clicked a link (waiting! bored!) and started reading a whole bunch of articles attacking women for getting thinner, excusing themselves for their judgy behaviour because they are “unavoidable.”

The “celebrities” I haven’t heard of are “unavoidable.” I googled some out of curiosity (and boredom!) and some are very thin and some look pretty normal?

I also stumbled into a thread of women talking about how they’ve been skinny-shamed, and various hurtful comments received when dealing with weight change caused by illness.

Not gonna lie, the “body positivity” community makes me want to lose weight out of spite, the same way anti-smoking ads made me want cigarettes as a crabby teenager.

I am not a big social media user, especially lately, but when I think about what my “explore” tab looked like on my old Instagram, it was mainly local theatre productions, cycling, baking, and vintage clothing (especially knitting patterns). I started a new Instagram for a new project recently, and that explore page is all visual arts and small press literature.

Which makes me think—maybe the self-discipline issue isn’t about having the self-discipline to eat or exercise a certain way, maybe it’s about maintaining a healthy media diet? One that isn’t celebrities or influencers—including “body positivity” influencers—but instead people doing actual things that have nothing to do with bodies at all?

Maybe I would be just as fussed about weight if I spent my time looking at pictures of people obsessed with weight. But choosing to look at other stuff instead is the easiest thing in the world.

I won’t criticise someone for looking a certain way. I will criticise someone for making other people’s bodies the focus of their own existence.

My “explore” tab

ETA: It just occurred to me, my boredom hate-reading this morning probably messed up my search algorithms. I hate the internet.

A new beginning?

Today I did a tour of a (relatively) new gym in the neighbourhood: Dupont Fitness.

I had heard of them through their running club, who I did a couple of Saturday morning 5k runs with this summer. Being a 10-minute walk from home is key to me doing anything (especially now) so that was what initially drew me to look into them. Looking at their website, they seem to have a lot of natural light which is another big plus for me. Years ago I joined Planet Fitness (previously the nearest gym I think) but just the thought of going to a place decorated in purple and yellow with fluorescent lighting and a million TV screens and thumpy “high energy” music felt impossible. Dupont Fitness offers a free day pass if you do a tour,  and a reduced-fee membership if you only go in off-hours (during daylight hours basically, which is the only time I leave the house these days anyway), so I thought I would check it out.

Dupont Fitness: so pretty!

It’s really nice! I talked to Matt (the owner) about my specific needs and concerns. He showed me the equipment I might find most useful—not just a stationary bike, but a recumbent stationary bike—and told me about the other machines, the gym’s philosophy (chill vibe! no influencers! hanging plants!), the beautiful mural of Dovercourt Park, their music selection (more jazz and soul instead of EDM). 

I think this might work for me!

I did have a moment this afternoon where I worried, what will I wear? All my workout tops are pullovers. I can’t lift my arm enough for that; everything needs to be something I can step into or at least do up the front. I was actually googling “zip-front workout tops” when it hit me—cycling jersey. What I need is a cycling jersey. I have a dozen cycling jerseys leftover from the Friends for Life Bike Rally this summer (as an aside, it’s giving Tuesday, please sponsor me in the 2026 F4LBR!). I do not need to reinvent this particular wheel.

Tomorrow morning is fracture clinic; afternoon is GP to do some bloodwork. Friday is physiotherapy. 

And maybe Saturday is gym? I wonder if it will be too busy…

Noticing a theme

I was skimming over the titles of recent posts trying to remember if I had posted a particular recipe, when I noticed what seems to be a pattern emerging.

“Trying, trying too hard”

“The hard days”

“A lesson learned”

“Learning my limits”

Hmm.

Not that it’s surprising really, but there seems to be a lot of hitting walls. A lot of one-step-forward-two-steps-back. Trying things, and discovering that they were maybe too much.

That said, I am a lot better. I can walk almost as fast as a sleepy person out for a stroll. I can cross a street before the lights change! I can use my arm somewhat as long as I’m not lifting something that weighs more than a kilo. I don’t need to nap every day.

I am trying to be diligent about taking breaks before I think I need them. I think this is key (well, one of many keys) but it is so hard to do.  

Odd Bunch recipe: stuffed spaghetti squash

Part of the reasoning behind getting a veg box—aside from the obvious being unable to carry stuff or go shopping easily—is to challenge myself to eat a more varied diet instead of falling back on old standbys.

Spaghetti squash is something I enjoy when I have it, but rarely think of buying for whatever reason. In the past I’ve mainly done basic things like the classic roast, scoop, toss with garlic butter and goat cheese. Not having any goat cheese, I thought I’d look at recipes. I found one that used a couple of things I had on hand—Italian sausage, cherry tomatoes—and a couple of things I didn’t, notably kale. But, I did have broccoli. Close enough, right? It also was for a much larger number of people than I or my ingredients were suited for. So, I borrowed the inspiration, and made up my own thing.

Stuffed spaghetti squash

Stuffed Spaghetti Squash

Ingredients:

1 spaghetti squash
1 tbs olive oil
1 Italian sausage
1 broccoli crown
10 cherry tomatoes
Parmesan cheese 

Instructions:

Cut the spaghetti squash in half lengthwise and scoop out the seeds. Brush with olive oil and place cut side down on a baking sheet. Bake 35 minutes at 400°F.

Meanwhile, crumble the sausage and brown the meat in a pan. 

Cut the broccoli into florets and add to the pan. Add a bit of olive oil if it seems dry. Sauté a few minutes.

Slice the tomatoes in half and add to the pan. Pour ¼ cup of water in the pan and simmer until the water is mostly gone and the tomatoes have softened.

Flip over the roasted squash halves, fill the cavities with the sausage mixture, and sprinkle grated parmesan cheese over top. Return to the oven for 10 minutes to melt the cheese and make sure everything is hot through.

Trying, trying too hard

So today I thought it would be a great idea to to go to a mall. Had a package to pick up,  and a weekday shouldn’t be too busy, right?

Somehow, despite getting twelve thousand emails about Black Friday sales, I forgot that today was Black Friday. 

Still, I tried it. The mall I went to wasn't horribly busy, and largely lit with skylights as opposed to the dreaded fluorescent. I wasn’t very far in before I felt pretty overwhelmed and needed to sit down for a bit. 

I closed my eyes and did some breathing exercises recommended by the Toronto Concussion Clinic. When I felt a little better, I went to a store that seemed quiet for a bit of a break before running the gauntlet of the food court. Then covered my face to get past a store selling perfumey soap and candles, and eventually made it to H&M to pick up my package. 

(Side note here, I ordered three things, only one was available for pickup at the local store, the other two are being shipped.)

Parts of the store are not bad, but each section has different lighting, some worse than others. Eventually I made my way to the cashier and gave them the pickup code in the email. “Oh,” said the person behind the counter, “I don’t need that, I need the order number and ID.” So I give them that and put my phone away. When they come back with the package, they ask for the pickup code. “I gave you that,” I say. “Can I get it again?” Augh. Having to pull out my phone again and unlock it and open my email and find the code again doesn’t sound like a lot for most people, but for a person with a concussion and one arm in a sling is a lot. Extra unnecessary annoyance. 

Part of my plan for the day revolved around the pretzel place being right across from H&M on the way out, so I grabbed a pretzel and went across to the park to rest for a bit before walking back to the bus stop. By then I was headachy, stumbly, and dealing with tinnitus and a bit of nausea. And so, so tired.

So I guess lessons learned are... take breaks (including closing my eyes), move slow, plan breaks, time events to be non-busy times while the sun is up, and don’t go to a mall. 

Except that when got home, there was an email saying the other part of my order shipped—to the store. I don’t know how I did that—actually I do, it’s because I have a head injury and simple tasks are sometimes overwhelming to me and I miss details. Do not like! But I guess the only way up is through. 

Survival tips: the veg box

So back in ye olden days (a couple months ago) I used to do my grocery shopping on foot. Kiddo and I would walk to the store on Sunday afternoon with four canvas bags (one for each shoulder) and load up. Shopping this way saves money and reduces impulse purchases because at a certain point you realise, “If the basket is getting too heavy to carry around the store, imagine what this will feel like walking home.” When kiddo moved away for school, my grocery shops got somewhat more random (the kid being the one with the muscles and particularity about food) and I would grab things on my way to and fro, or see what looked interesting at the greengrocer. 

Now of course I’m not going anywhere or carrying anything, so I decided to investigate getting a veg box delivered, like we used to back in the pandemic.

The one we used to get is no more, sadly. We used to get the Good Food Box, a social enterprise run by Foodshare. They no longer do that. So, I investigated other options: the ones that popped up when I was searching for the Good Food Box, the ones whose trucks I see driving around town, etc. 

Eventually, I ended up at Odd Bunch. I love it!

The Odd Bunch box for one

Firstly, it was the only service I came across that had a box for one. Other sample boxes started at two people, and although I thought about seeing if I could get it delivered only every second week (which we did with the Good Food Box), seeing sample box contents made me think, “No way am I gonna get through that many potatoes.” It’s a very reasonable size for a single!

It’s also fantastic value. I did the math last week, just to see, while I was ordering some groceries from Voilà (coffee filters, gallon of milk) and the savings are amazing:

4.99	1 acorn Squash
2.49	3 Local Cippolini Onions
4.99	15 Local Brussels Sprouts
3.98	2 Local Sweet Potatoes
2.99	1 bunch Radish
3.47	3 Local Pears
3.99	Cherry Tomatoes
2.58	2 cobs Fresh Corn
7.99	1 Fresh Pineapple
2.99	1 eggplant
TOTAL: $40.46 at Voilà

Fully a 50% saving!

Mind you, I am still finding it something of a challenge to get through the whole thing, but I think as much as anything that’s because I have a reduced appetite due to not going anywhere or doing anything. Right now my mouth is on fire from trying to finish off a whole fresh pineapple. But, I was never a pineapple eater before, so if nothing else it has introduced variety into my diet, as well as fibre! 

Survival tips: easy healthy snacks

Saving this link here because I keep losing track of it somehow: Frozen Baked Sweet Potato

(Funny, after I typed that, I remembered, oh yeah, I have concussion, that’s why I need a recipe for something this simple, and why I keep losing it.)

This was shared on Ravelry a while back, and I bought a bag of sweet potatoes at the Korean market, baked them, put them in the freezer, and forgot about them. Oh, the delight to discover a ready-to-eat yummy snack in my freezer!

My sweet potatoes were little—40-80g only, but very good snack size—and I found 40 minutes roasting at 450° f was perfect. I eat them in the skins and they are so yummy! The good thing about them being small, not only are they the right size for me, but also there were a dozen or so in the bag, so I am still snacking a month later. Yay! 

So I went to the dentist

And it wasn’t that bad!

I mean it wasn’t great either, I just imagined it being a lot worse.

I wore and eye mask, and let everyone know what had happened with me, and everyone was very calm and soothing. Helped too I think that it was a pretty minor filling, I was done in about thirty minutes. I did find myself weeping randomly in the chair, and sat for about ten minutes in the waiting room before I felt ready to go, and then sat at the subway station for about another 15 minutes waiting for my bus.

Stars aligned so that a vintage red velvet coat I had been pining for was available to pick up not far away, pretty much on my way home, and near the home of the best sandwich in the city. My dentist is also conveniently located near some nice bakeries and a bookstore where I had an order waiting (totally forgot about that—was supposed to pick it up six weeks ago, the day before my fall!), so I had picked up a book and a slice of cake on my way there, and went to the vintage & arts market and deli on my way home.

The day had started looking fairly grim (I was worried I would get rained on) but by the time I got off the bus near the market, the sun was glorious. I feel so much better when it’s sunny! I arrived a little early, so meandered around the store a bit. Wandering in junky antique stores has been a favourite pastime since I was in school, so it was really nice to do something that felt “normal,” like I’m me again. Even if I did need to leave my bag because it was feeling too heavy. I found a cute bracelet in red quartzite which supposedly brings “power, concentration, and strength” (all things I desperately need!) and is also a lovely colour. I saw some glasses I might go back for. And the coat is perfect—the most gorgeous colour, and in mint condition.

It felt so nice to be doing things I like doing, and feeling able to to them!

I was super exhausted when I got home and today my arm hurts like crazy, but what can you do. Had planned to get my glasses adjusted today, but I think I need to stay home. I walked over 2km yesterday, so a rest day is well earned. Maybe I’ll bake something; I need to outpace my veg box.

Best coat ever

The Honest Abe from When the Pig Came Home

Smetanyk slice from Cake Smith

The hard days

Occasionally I will remember a thing, or realise a thing, that leaves me feeling kinda sad.

I’ve already given away tickets to the opera, the symphony, the ballet. I’ve already accepted that we won’t be able to go the the panto this year.

But as holiday season approaches, all kinds of things are hitting me.

I decided weeks ago not to try to host my annual eggnog party this year, but just realised we probably won’t have a tree either. Getting the tree and getting it in the house is one thing; hauling the ornaments out of the closet, decorating, and then putting it all away again after is another.

And I just realised that candlelight Christmas Eve service—which I love, love, love—may well be torture. It will be our congregation’s first in our new home. I was so looking forward to it. But all that flickering... maybe we can check it out and leave early if need be? I could make my kid hold my candle, and keep a sleep mask handy in case slipping it on briefly helps? We’ll see…

I keep hoping I’ll just magically feel better—I do feel a lot better than before!—but it also hit me today that Saturday will be the six week mark. My concussion pal told me that people usually feel better in three to six weeks, or three months, or it becomes chronic. I wanted to be a six-week person. Can’t help thinking I’d be farther along if my shoulder weren’t broken as well.  

Survival tips: what to wear

Getting dressed with one arm has been a real struggle. I can somewhat use my forearm now, but I have severe pain if I don’t keep my bicep basically glued to my ribcage. So, no sleeves, pretty much. Definitely no pullovers of any kind. Bottoms are difficult too—I struggle with fasteners one-handed, as well as just getting things on.

I have really been struggling with this! In part just, literally, struggling, because it’s colder now, so can’t just bum around in tank tops or whatever (although spaghetti-strap tank tops have been a lifesaver, because you can just step in an pull them up). But also, it is just really demoralising. I normally enjoy dressing—used to work in vintage clothing, have all sorts of fun pieces, but they’re mostly not injury friendly. I prefer tailored and fitted to baggy and loose, so I can’t button my shirts over my sling easily (I had my arm buttoned into a shirt all day once, and by the end my hand was numb). I can’t wear the tank top with nothing over, because it’s too cold. Pencil skirts that zip up on the left are difficult to put on. It’s too cold for bare legs and tights are impossible. I owned precisely one pair of jogging pants before this, because they’re just not my style. Now I own about six, and I look into the mirror and it’s not my own self looking back. Whiny, but it bugs me.

But I figured out a solution. I ordered a bunch of snap tape. I took a few expendable tops—a couple of hand-me-downs that my kid outgrew, and a black mock-neck pullover I made years ago—ripped out the left side seams (if I really want, I can always re-sew them later, I guess?) and sewed in the snap tape. Voilà! Shirts I can put on. Doing up the snaps is not easy, and on cold days the feel is breezy. But it’s so much better than nothing.

Looks like a normal polo shirt!

Awkward pose, but you can see the snaps!

Then an email popped up, saying, “a seller has offered you a discount on a vintage red cape.” After sighing and wishing I could splurge on such a thing, it occurred to me—capes are perfect when you can’t wear sleeves! It should be here any minute; I keep anxiously running to the porch every time I hear a sound. (My new glasses came today too—almost as good as my old glasses!)

Glasses, new and old

I am sick of the constant jogging pants though (even if I did manage to find one cool pair). And finally, it hit me this morning—suspender tights (warning: NSFW)! Regular tights would be a nightmare to get on one-handed, not to mention having to deal with them again every time you go to the loo. With suspender tights, they’re easier to get into since the hip-to-waist area is basically missing, and once they’re on, underpants go on top, and can go up and down as needed without involving the tights. I think (hope) I have another pair somewhere! 

Survival tips: my bed

A few adjustments I made. Just sharing for fun. And if someone finds it useful.

My bed

The Pillow Wall

I arranged my pillows to form a pillow wall to prop up my arm and keep me from rolling onto my bad shoulder. Basically took my two firmest pillows, stacked them, and placed them to the side going lengthwise along the bed instead of widthwise at the top. The rest of my pillows are at the top where pillows normally are. This allows me to extend my arm and keeps me from rolling over in my sleep. Yes I have a lot of pillows. My ex used to complain about it. So glad he is gone from my life! These pillows make a much better partner!

The Dimmer Cord

I have an extension cord dimmer switch so I can adjust the light without having to reach. See that lamp on the bedside table in the background? It was too far away. The dimmer cord is basically an extension cord you can plug one thing into, controlled by a dimmer switch, and enough length that you can keep the dimmer close to you even if the plug and lamp are not. I got this when my kid (now grown and away at university) was a baby, to use in the nursery when he fell asleep in my arms. I have no idea where I bought this one so many years ago, but this dimmer cord is pretty much the same.

The Bedside Box

That bedside table, so near yet so far. Couldn’t get to it without leaning on my arm. Couldn’t move it to the other side of the bed, as there’s a dresser there. Can’t move that, and it’ too high and too far to use as a bedside table. So, I put a cardboard box on top of my wastepaper basket for a makeshift reachable bedside table. Because it is a box, things stay inside/don’t fall off. It is ugly, but who cares! It works and cost nothing!

Actually, none of these solutions cost me anything; they’re just stuff I had on hand. But they have been so helpful to me!

One thing after another!

Be warned this is kinda gross. The yucky pics are at the bottom of this post; if you don’t want to see them, don’t scroll all the way.

After my fall I got a fitness watch so I could track my heartrate and know when to take a break before things got too far. I am including this pic mainly so one of the gross pics doesn’t end up being the thumbnail for this post.

Mainly putting this pic here as a buffer

The watch was suggested by my concussion pal. Current wisdom says that rather than avoiding everything completely when you have concussion, it’s better to do a little bit, rest a little bit. But take that rest break before you are really feeling that you need it (i.e., before you get symptoms, like headache and nausea in my case).

It’s pretty basic, but does the job. Or, did the job. It was wild to see my heartrate spike to 132 as I slowly shuffled around the grocery store, occasionally needing to lean against the shelving when I lost my balance. It was set to warn me if my heartrate went above 100 or below 50 (I got warned for both of those!) For the first two weeks, it regularly warned me that my resting heartrate (50) was too low, and now it’s happier with me because my resting heartrate is more normal (60). My sleep is crappy and irregular, but no surprise there.

It was also “fun” to count my steps. I’ve never been a pedometer person, but it was instructive to see my daily average of 600 steps climb to 1,200 steps. Just 9,000 more and I’ll be an average sedentary person!

Anyway I’ve been wearing it for three weeks now, taking if off to bathe. 

As my shoulder gets a little better, I can do more with my left hand as long as it isn’t weightbearing (I’ll post about exercises and physio later). One thing I’ve done is go back to two-handed typing. I can only do it for a little while though, and then I start to feel sore. Today I figured out why.

(This is where it gets yucky!)

My skin is rubbing off under the watch strap. I swear it was not like this two days ago! But now I am rubbed raw.

For the time being, my fitness watch has been replaced by ointment and bandages. Photos of my wounds below, so I can find them if I need to show them to one of the docs. I can’t figure out a way to “spoiler” them, so consider yourself warned and stop reading now if you don’t want to see! No more heartrate tracking for me, I guess. It just seems to be one thing after another these days and I am tired of it. 

So that’s why it’s so tender

I had a different worse gross extra problem last week that I don’t even want to talk about.

A lesson learned

One of the hardest parts of this whole thing is seeing reminders pop up on my phone for events I booked months ago.

Last night was a Masterclass in Charcuterie led by the owner and charcutier at Sanagan’s Meat Locker. 

Charcuterie from Sanagan’s Meat Locker

I reached out to the organisers to ask some questions beforehand: 

Is it likely to be very noisy, a bunch of people talking at once, or mostly one person talking while other people listen?

Is it a very bright/highly-lit environment, or more like “mood lighting” ?

Is there participation involved where I’d need to use both arms?

They answered my questions, and based on that and knowing how I’d get to the location, I decided this might be a good “test run” to see how I do with attending something that isn’t a medical appointment of some sort.

(Earlier I thought a theatre usher volunteer shift this week might be my test-run, but after asking if there were any environmental warnings like strobe or haze (lots of haze) and if they expected it to be a very busy full house (not a full house, but with two shows concurrently the lobby would get hectic) I decided against that one.)

So I am glad I went, as it was a lovely evening and I enjoyed the event, but it did demonstrate that I am not really up for going out yet.

Getting there was straightforward, but this was the first time I’d gone out at night in over a month, and the darkness punctuated by bright lights was a lot to deal with. There was an elevator up to the fifth floor, but it was old and a little jerky—fine for a normal person, but not for me right now.

The listening atmosphere was mostly great—one person talking at a time, no amplification, some quiet conversation—but there were a couple of occasions where people applauded, and honestly it could have been a gun going off next to me. Even though there were only maybe two dozen of us, it was a lot for me.

The lighting was nice. Enough to see everything clearly without eyestrain, but not overly bright and no fluorescents. Thing is, there were candles on the tables, which seemed fine at first, but there was this thing where the flickering of candles reflecting off the surface of water in a glass was like lights flashing in my periphery. I never would have thought candles would be a problem! Now I know.

The only shoulder-related issue I had to deal with was trying to hang up my coat. Many people had already arrived, and the coat hooks were kind of high on the wall, so most of the lower coat hooks were taken when I got there. I did manage to find one though. The hosts were kind about helping me find a seat where I wouldn’t get jostled, and my table-mates were very kind about serving the food for me and making sure my water glass was full.

So it was a lovely evening, but about 90 minutes in I just wanted to lie down and rest. Will definitely check out their events in the future—after I have fully recovered.

Meanwhile, I just cancelled all of my plans for the rest of 2025. Hoping enough rest will help me recover by the holidays. 

It’s honestly pretty upsetting to think that I won’t get to do any of the fun things I normally enjoy. All of the things I normally do to keep my cup filled are no longer available to me. I have been able to do a small amount of knitting, maybe that will be my salvation. It will be nice too to have my arm back so I can at least clean the house.

Well that was unexpected

One of the symptoms some people experience with concussion is loss of taste. This didn’t happen to me.

Except for this one thing.

Ginger.

Weirdly, I’ve also been craving ginger.

One of my regular things to make and eat is granola, and it’s also (happily) easy to make and eat despite my injuries. You can do it all with one hand (recipe below). I switch up the nuts and spices, but usually make it with cinnamon (classic), sometimes nutmeg, or allspice, or cardamom (with pistachios!) I usually also make it with regular all-purpose flour, more butter, and more sugar, but trying to be a little more mindful of that stuff (concussion is largely about inflammation, so the more anti-inflammatory, the better).

My concussion pal had brought over a giant bag of frozen blueberries (so grateful!!) so making granola seemed like the obvious thing to do. This time, I was craving almonds and ginger. 

Funny thing, it didn’t taste gingery.

Next time I made it, I did the obvious thing—double the ginger. This time it tasted… kind of burn-y? I don’t really know how to describe it. There was heat, but no flavour. Then I thought back to one of my daily walks to a coffee shop with a friend—I had ordered a ginger cookie which had no flavour at all. Last time my kid (who goes mad for novelty flavoured chips) visited, I got the “Limited Edition” jerk chicken flavour, which similarly had a small amount of heat but no flavour—and ginger is often a component of jerk seasoning. All very suspicious…

Anyway I’ve still been eating my blueberries, yogurt, and gluten-free granola every day like a good girl, so I’ve run out again and need to make more. This time, I’m not using ginger, hoping for something flavourful. Wish me luck.

Home-made Granola

Granola

Ingredients:

1½ cups rolled oats
¾ cup chopped nuts (almonds, walnuts, pecans, pistachios—whatever you like, or mix them up)
½ cup brown sugar
1½ tsp spice (cinnamon, allspice, nutmeg, cardamom, even ginger would work in theory)
1 tbs chestnut flour (or all-purpose if you like gluten)
½ tsp salt
½  cup butter, melted

Directions:

Spread oats on a rimmed baking sheet in an even layer.

Sprinkle nuts evenly over oats.

Combine sugar, spice, flour, and salt. Stir with a fork to ensure it’s evenly mixed and there aren’t any lumps. Sprinkle evenly over oats and nuts.

Drizzle melted butter over all. Stir gently on baking sheet to ensure even distribution.

Bake at 350°F for 10 minutes. Stir gently, then bake another 10 minutes.

Let sit for a couple of minutes, then use spatula to gently lift so it doesn’t stick to the bottom. Allow to cool on baking sheet.

Store in a jar in the cupboard for up to a couple of weeks.

Learning my limits

Wow, yesterday was horrible!

A 2½ hour morning meeting at 9 o’clock, and then my boss said, “Let’s do a 10 minute huddle before the meeting for our team,” so that was scheduled for 8:30. I had a bad night sleep-wise, but dragged myself to my laptop for 8:30, figuring I’d have time to make coffee between the huddle and the meeting. After waiting a couple of minutes, my other team-mate appeared and said, “Did you see boss’s email? They can’t start till 8:40.” Then they started telling me about a traumatic event they experienced over the weekend. Boss eventually joined as well, and our huddle ran right up to 9 o’clock, and I tried to grab some coffee and breakfast but was called back. So, 2½ hour meeting on half a cup of coffee and no food. 

By an hour in, I was experiencing nausea, tremors, and heart palpitations. My body temperature went up. I felt on the verge of a panic attack. I turned off my camera and lights so I could put my head down and just listen, but then someone shared a PowerPoint so I had to open my eyes again. By the time we got a little snack break almost 2 hours in (2½ for me, because of the huddle that wasn’t) I was sobbing. As soon as the meeting was over I lay down on the sofa with my eyes closed for about 45 minutes. 

And of course, I had another meeting to get through, my regular one-on-one with my boss. I started by letting them know that it had been too much for me in the morning, and they offered to reschedule, but I said that there were a couple of things I needed their input on. After briefly touching on one, they pivoted to talk about their own project, which has a lot of people involved and keeps changing, and invited another person to the meeting. It got really confusing for me at that point, and at one point my boss made the comment that they should be able to just hand the details to me and they can’t. I felt a bit blamed for my injury, but I was so tired at the time I just felt fairly apathetic about it.

Now I’m wondering about how to approach an upcoming team meeting, which is always a big headache (long, lots of attendees, lots of details that aren’t specifically relevant to my work and very jargonny to the point where it feels like a foreign language). And this meeting usually gets rescheduled repeatedly. I really want to say “Hey, I can’t do more than one hour, and I need 30 minutes buffer on either side, so if you’re going to change the time of meetings I need an hour’s notice so that I can adjust the rest of my schedule,” but I wonder how that would go over.

I feel a bit better today (although I cried a bit typing this) because I woke up with the sun and was able to eat breakfast outside on the front porch, soaking up some vitamin D. Can’t wait for my full-spectrum SAD therapy light to arrive.

The story so far

So my fall happened on Saturday 11 October, when my kid was visiting for Thanksgiving and reading week (great to have them here to help out, although it must have sucked for them, and I was probably pushing myself to appear “fine” when I was not). 

Saturday night is never a good time to go to ER, and I did not have a good time. More on that later maybe.

They stitched up my forehead, said nothing was broken asked me to come back Sunday morning at 6:50 for fracture clinic, and if I wanted anything for the pain I would have to wait until then. At fracture clinic, the orthopaedic surgeon told me I did have a fracture, it was just hard to see because the x-ray was not clear, so the night doc missed it. My elbow x-rays had to be re-done because they were not clear at all. Fracture clinic doc said no weightbearing, keep it in the sling (even while sleeping), lost of rest etc., and come back in three weeks (actually the doc said two weeks; the straight-talking admin said it would be three as they’re overbooked and also even with an appointment, I should expect to spend 1-3 hours waiting). I asked if I could see my physio (I already had an appointment that Thursday for my shoulder, more on that later) and he said okay, but not to move my shoulder, only to work on elbow and wrist mobility.

On Thursday, while my kid was visiting their dad, I saw my physio and pretty much broke down crying in his office because I felt so shaky and awful, and it might have been the first time I felt I could cry—the first time I felt someone really saw and understood my pain. I was all vague about how bad my injuries were (because I was in a general cloud of vagueness at that point) and showed him the notes the ER doc sent me home with, but he saw immediately that I had a broken shoulder, I had a concussion, I needed lots of rest and minimal activity. He made sure I was going to see my doctor asap before he let me leave the office.

Then I went to a random clinic to get my stitches out (ER should have provided me with a stitch removal kit, but chose to withhold that, so I had to call around to find a walk-in clinic that had one) followed by a trip to my family doc to get a check-up and a referral to a neuro clinic (I should have given him the one my friend recommended right then! But that’s the thing about concussion, you forget stuff!) and bought myself a doughnut on the way home. I was a wreck. I bumped into someone I knew, almost didn’t recognize them, and then started crying while they backed awkwardly away (part of me wonders—how did he not see that I needed help? I can’t imagine seeing someone in the shape I was in, and not making sure they got home safely).

Oof, that was all hard to write. What an awful first few days. And I left out the hardest parts. Maybe I’ll fill that in later.

Oh boy...

Another year, another injury : (

I feel bad that I didn’t share more about my Bike Rally ride this summer—just too busy!

Strange to think that just a few short months ago I was tackling incredible feats of athletic endurance, and now, I struggle to walk around the block.

Yep, sidelined by an injury.

And just like the start of this blog, I wasn’t doing anything exciting or (seemingly risky) when it happened—I was on foot, and tripped on a curb. Walking (or rather, running to catch a traffic light) and wearing sensible shoes.

I have a fractured shoulder (specifically, a minimally displaced fracture of the greater tuberosity of the humeral head) and concussion. These are things that do not go together well—balance issues from the concussion, and with only one arm functioning, an extremely limited ability to catch myself if I fall. Pain seems to make a lot of my concussion symptoms (headache, nausea, fatigue, brain fog and overwhelm) a lot worse. So yesterday when I had my follow-up at the fracture clinic, which meant I had to move my arm for x-rays, the pain from that made my brain kinda shut down.

Wild that this is almost exactly 15 years from my first injury.

I’ll end this post the same way I ended the first post, since it is exactly true for today too:

Anyway tomorrow I start physio, and I wanted a place to keep track of what I’m doing exercise-wise, diet-wise, and otherwise-wise.

How it started, & how it’s going

 

Team Camp Weekend! F4LBR #5

Not gonna lie, there was a part of me hoped we would have to cancel. Friday week was supposed to be my big  “getting used to the road bike” ride, so getting hit by a taxi left me extra shook. But you know what they say about getting back on the horse. The horse and I really pushed our limits this week. 

My Bike Rally team, the Wheely Wonkas, decided to do a “practice” weekend to prepare—riding to a campsite and setting up our tents, just like we’ll be doing every day for a week in August. 

And just for extra challenge, our route began with a massive climb up the Niagara Escarpment!

To be honest, going downhill was scarier to me than uphill, just worried that I wouldn’t be able to maintain control, and how awful it would be to crash at speed. But I took the information I’ve learned from Steve—specifically about feathering your brakes, a little on the left, a little on the right—to help me through it. Just focusing on that really helped my nerves a lot.

Also, I am fortunate to have my own tent (some teammates had borrowed tents). My tent may not be great, in fact it’s a garage sale find, but I’ve put it up enough times I could probably do it in the dark if I had to.

Luckily, we had beautiful weather! I did catch a bit of sunburn, but I’d rather that than rain!

Learning! F4LBR #4

Going camping with my teammates this weekend—bike, camp, bike!

Meanwhile, earlier this week I did a Flat Fix clinic with a rally veteran, Steve. He did a Hill Climbing clinic last month, which was excellent, so I knew this would be a good one. 

One of the great things about this adventure is all the people I’m meeting along the way—it’s a real community! I feel like I really am going to end up with Friends For Life at the end of it.

Here are some great photos Steve took on Tuesday—love the one where I’m framed in the wheel!

Really learned a lot from this! I thought I knew how to change a flat, having done it soooo many times, but a few tips and tricks really make it all smoother. Having tire irons and a decent pump help a lot too—I love my floor pump, but it was great to give the portable a test run. Thanks Steve!

What a time it's been... F4LBR #3

Well I came back to look at past nutrition and realize it’s been a long time since I posted...

Continuing to work towards August’s bike rally, with my fundraising goal looming!

Training has been out of whack, with my kid being super sick for 3 weeks, and then getting into university, preparing for which has used a lot of time!

Then a week ago I was hit by a taxi while riding on a trail completely separate from cars. Fun times!

Right now, dealing with low blood pressure again. It’s been bothering me basically since the accident—stress response maybe? I don’t know. 

I do remember that there was a magical day that I got all my nutrients from food without consuming 5000 calories, so I want to repeat that experience... ferritin was 129 in March, so I’m assuming it’s not anemia. 

This weekend is a big training event—our team is going bike camping! Riding from Burlington GO Station to Valens Lake Conservation Area Saturday, and back Sunday. 

Excited to have a spiffy new (to me) jersey and matching bibs for the trip!

Too busy indeed!! F4LBR #2

It’s been a while!

Once again too busy to blog. There has been training. Indoor spins. One long-ish outdoor ride so far. Weather is getting in the way, but there you are. 

I’m struggling/panicking re fundraising (donate here!) as much as anything. I’ve done a bake sale, organizing a lunch to happen in June, asked office building management to sponsor (they said no), and bothered all of my friends. Need to start getting pushier, I hate it!

My birthday is this week, hoping that inspires some people!

But my teammates are awesome and it really does seem like this could be friends for life!