Oh boy

 I am typing this with my eyes closed because I’m supposed to be off screens due to a head injutty (hopefully minor).

Funny, I was thinking I should re-do the blurb/subheading of this blog, since I’m not recovering from anything anymore... that was all in 2010@ 

But here we are, another issue to deal with.

It’s so dumb, too. I just hit my head on the freezer door handle, geting something out of the fridge.

Sat on the floor with an icepack on my head for 5 minutes, then got up and hit my head again.

Augh.

It’s tricky, because a lot of the sumptoms to watch for (vertigo, dizziness, tinnitus) are things I have on the regular anway. Are they worse? Is this my normal? Hard to say.

Anyway, current course of action is lying in the dark with a sleep mask on, listening to podcasts. Cancelling all weekend plans. Hopefully a few days of boredom will have me feeling fine by monday.

Meanwhile, I'm taking advil and being bored. waah waah wahh.

On a happier note

I joined a cycling club this spring!

I did a fair few solo rides last summer, and some rides with a guy who is no longer part of my life (the usual “I’m not ready for a relationship” until he ghosted me and got serious with one of the other people he was dating). This year I decided to get proactive about different routes and different people! Last night was my first group ride, and it was a pretty good warm-up. I researched a bunch of different clubs, and some seemed really... aimed at douchey gearhead snobs. This one bills itself as “the city’s friendliest club” which is more my mood. 

I also joined a Meetup group that does “BYOBicycle” rides on a fairly regular basis, as well as other social events. Hoping for a fun summer with lots of cycling ahead. Definitely prefer it to running!

Race report

Spoiler alert: it was terrible.

I have put off writing this, because it was such a horrible day. But here goes.

Mother’s Day is always hard for me, because I still haven’t recovered from my mother’s death, and since I have been a mother, I have never had a partner who cared about me. So it’s generally a disappointment. Maybe less bad on average since my divorce, but still a hard day.

This day was the worst.

The one thing I asked from my kid was to be at the finish line. They said they would—but they were at their dad’s on Saturday night. We discussed bus routes, Presto cards, etc. etc. They said they’d be there.

I was super emotional all morning, obviously.

I texted my kid from the start line, reminding them of which bus stop to get off, and that I’d check in at the water stations to give them a better idea of timing if I was running early/late.

I texted at the 4km water station.

I texted at the 7km station—there was no reply to my previous texts, so I decided to walk for a bit (save my energy for the final km) and wait for a response. Nothing. I texted their dad. They overslept “but on the way soon.” I was coming up to 8km by then.

There’s an incline up to 8km, so I decided to walk to that point and then resume running. But just knowing my kid had forgotten me on Mother’s Day of all days—after I made an emergency sick-kid school pickup just two days before, and then went back again to collect their bicycle—I just felt so alone. All morning I had been struggling not to cry, off and on. Now I had a full-on panic attack. Tried to remember all of my grounding exercises—box breathing, find something red, something blue, etc.—but I just couldn’t breath. I started making a wheezy/whooping sound on every inhalation, something like stridor, which reminded my of when I had pertussis a number of years ago. I focussed on my diaphragm, and finally got to a normal breathing pattern by 9km. 

I ran the last km, obviously no one was waiting for me at the finish line—I was all alone—and again couldn’t breathe. I made it to the medic tent just for a place to sit down, and they checked my blood pressure (125/75) and oxygen (99%) and after sitting for a while I was ready to move again. 

Got a drink, got my medal, went to the luggage check, got changed, was on my way to the food area when the kid texted, “almost there.” Arranged to meet at the luggage check (easiest to recognize from a distance, fewest people to get lost in a crowd), and we left without eating.

I didn’t even manage to get any sponsors to donate to the charity (one friend sponsored me later that afternoon) so it was 100% pointless.

Worst run ever. I don’t think I’ll do a 10k again.

Yuck!

Wow have I felt terrible the last few days! Starting to feel a bit more normal today, although still crampy.

I feel like my experiment in 16:8 will be kind of inconclusive—I had thought it was the cause of my constipation, but maybe that was due to PMS? Resolved without any switching up of diet, at any rate. 

Exercise-wise, I am trying to keep on keeping on, doing arm work with dumb bells and that sort of thing, and basically leaving my core out of it this week. Very difficult to feel motivated to do anything. Managed a walk yesterday, will try that again today. My schedule has me going for a run tomorrow morning, but not sure I’ll feel up to it. Don't want to be anywhere but home. 

Which reminds me I’m supposed to be volunteering tomorrow night… ugh, at least it is basically standing around followed by sitting around. Hoping things have settled by then.

The TMI Post

Well, it's been a week of 16:8 intermittent fasting, and the only effect I have really noticed is that I am constipated. Yesterday, for my first meal of the day at noon, I opted for a favourite that can usually be relied upon for the hoped-for result—oatmeal porridge with dried apricots, sunflower seeds, and molasses. And a pot of strong black coffee.

No luck.

Thinking I might go back to the 2:5 version as that has worked for me in the past, with no ill effects.

In other TMI news, I seem to have gotten my period, which is very unlike me. I had a bit of spotting a couple of weeks ago—now it occurs to me, timing-wise, could that have been ovulation spotting? Ugh I have no need to ovulate. Whatever.

Anyway today I am crampy and bloated and uncomfortable. Went for a run; didn't even make 4k because aside from feeling blecch, one of the seams on my tights started rubbing me the wrong way and it was just all around unpleasant. Ugh.

At least I have been keeping up with my mini workouts four times a week. 

I was hoping to go for a bike ride this afternoon, but we'll see what my belly has to say about that I guess. I have been gearing up for biking season (literally) with new shorts, new horn, new gloves, a tune-up and new chain, and a new cup holder (a birthday present from my wonderful son)! New shoes have been ordered, and I'm working on a pattern for a cycling dress with all of the features of a cycling jersey - rear pockets, technical fabrics—but cute instead of ugly (kind of like the shoes - although not “officially” a flat cycling shoe, they have the features of one—room for toes, grippy soles, snug secure fit with some support). I'm going to order some fabric called “chitosante” which is made using a fibre from crab shells, and is supposed to have great properties for wicking as well as being odour-resistant. I hope it lives up to its advertising!

Well that's something

Super stressful day of bsd news and subsequent panic attack, getting home at 10 pm after a volunteer gig I was not in the mood for, really tempted to stop at the corner store for treats on the way home, but the stupid 16:8 fasting kept me from it. Which is the main purpose of the fasting for me, so calling it a win?

3 weeks to go!

 That 10k is just around the corner!

It's been an incredibly stressful time here, as my kid is off to a third world country for two weeks just as the pandemic is ramping up again, and with a war on. Thank goodness they aren't changing planes in Europe st least. All of the vaccines were procured and prophylactic medications taken (if anti vaxxers think covid is rough, I guess they've never travelled internationally?)

But I am trying to make the most of it. No excuse not to run mornings if I'm not chasing him off to school, no reason not to mix up my food habits if he isn't tempting me with pringles and ice cream.

So, I have decided to make an effort to eat less bread (after an Easter weekend of panettone and hot crossed buns), and try 16:8 intermittent fasting. I've done 2:5 before, and it was good for me once I got into it, but easy to say, "this week I can't because..." 

But again, I'm alone now, no excuses. If nothing else it will stop the late night run to the corner store for treats. 

I also got a free week of Hello Fresh deliveries, so starting that today. It's 3 meals for 2, so 6 meals for me. Tonight is spinach salad with blackened barramundi (for all the hot sauce and cajun spice, it was very bland). A lot of the choices were super stodgy (cheesey mashed potatoes, rice, pasta) which is certainly a cheap way for them to fill up the box, but I'm trying something different so chose "carb smart" options. Wasn't very impressed with the menu options generally, though. We'll see. It's free and it's different anyway. 

In other news, I have kept up with doing 15 minute mini workout sessions 4 times a week since signing up for a Strava challenge about 6 weeks ago. So that is something? And I had a good no-walk-breaks 5k last week. 

And I've got some friends to commit to reminding me to take my vitamins since I forget when the kid isn't here. And friends to hang out with. The pandemic has been really lonely for me, and not having my kid makes it harder. I'm fostering a semi-feral cat, so not 100% alone, but the cat doesn't talk much. 

Hoping for a good two weeks and not just moping missing my kid!