Starting over, starting now

I feel sometimes like I have started from scratch a dozen times since last fall.

Today’s new start is new meds, cholesterol diet, and trying some faux-work experiments (aka work conditioning lite). I am nearly done my Insomnia CBT course and sleeping a lot better, so maybe if the new meds work I’m ready for it? Having my blood pressure back and bloating (from previous meds) gone makes me feel so much better.

Started the morning by going to the gym (determined to make 30 days this month, not giving myself an excuse miss it), then a breakfast of all the omega-3s, and CBT-i. Next is a volunteer usher shift (my second!) which is my faux-work for the day. Early dinner (lentils, kale, butternut squash), then going downtown to watch the Oscars at the Lightbox (I will not be staying till the end—and as I type this, I’m remembering that I meant to change my ticket to be on the aisle, oops). This will be a chance to both practise subway riding and extended focus. Exposure and endurance.

This week I am planning various tests and work-adjacent things—volunteer envelope stuffing, practice driving, doing my taxes, finishing some stuff that I’ve put off for months (medical complaint against Dr Firdouse, divorce paperwork, various stuff for my kiddo), sewing a garment (I figure that’s a good exercise in project management as well as focus and follow through). Basically, I want to live like I’m working (at a made-up job) on a reduced schedule, and see if I can at least do that, and then grow from there.

I feel like it’s time for me to enter the home stretch, or at least see if I can survive it.

Breakfast of champions

Ow my brain

Just making a note to self that I have a headache coming on. Left side. Didn't get great sleep last night; kiddo came home from uni and with the train schedule it’s a quarter to eleven when they get here, and they were still yapping when I said, “I love you but I gotta go to bed,” an hour later. We went to Freshco this afternoon (note to self: I need to try exposure to a different grocery store to see how I do), and I had that “power drop” feeling I get in the summer when it’s too hot/humid. Just finished a mug of green tea so I shouldn’t be dehydrated. So tempted to doze, or try to.

Oh, and tomorrow is daylight savings, aka goodbye morning sun. Waah.

Oh and I almost forgot, I’ve been really stumbly today, too. Just staggering around and bumping into things.